SASKGIRL81
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Just needing to vent - could definitely use some advice please

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Ex's suck. Big time suck. My ex especially. I'd like to cut off all his fingers and shove them far up his butt.

Tonight seems to be a bad night. This jerk had to be taken to court because after 3 years of being broken up he was spending child support money we had agreed on, on sh!t for himself, a new boat, a new deck, quads, xbox kinect, ps3 all kinds of freakin toys instead of paying his support. So I took his stupid butt to court where he was told to pay DOUBLE what he was paying before (btw what's double of nothing??) Okay told to pay double of what he'd SOMETIMES pay before. COURT ENFORCED.

Now this SOB is whining cuz he "can't afford it" Give me a f'ing break.

Every time my kids go spend half the summer with him they come back with stories of how much fun they had there. Which is good.. for once he's actually paying attention to them. But now because we're not as "rich" as he is and we don't have a "big cool vehicle" like he does or quads or a trampoline or a freakin god knows what they'll find to complain about next all I hear constantly is how they can't wait til they go there next cuz it's " so much funner at dad's"

OUCH much.

It just hurts a lot because we're trying our best. Jason works his f'in bag off and yea I'm a stay at home mom cuz I live in a stupid town of 500 stupid people and 3 stupid businesses who only hire part time and if I do that the money I make is just gonna go to child care so I might as well just still be a stay at home mom. Plus being home means I can run my kids to whatever they need to go to. Friends houses, dance classes, hockey practice, school events.

Explain that to the kids though and they turn it around and tell their dad who just tells them I'm lazy which they in turn tell me. Thanks for that.

How do I compete? What am I supposed to do when all I can see in the future is him gently convincing them how much cooler it would be to live with him instead of with their lazy, fat mom who's always broke and can't afford sh!t ever. I honestly don't know what to do but it feels pretty unfair.
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  • RUNNERRACHEL
    As a product of divorced parents, those "cool" things wear off. Kids will realize eventually how hard you're working and how much you care.

    Don't try to compete with him.

    It's fun at his house because it's vacation. I doubt it would be the same if they lived there.

    It's really immature of him to talk negatively about you to the kids. Not good for anyone.

    Just keep being the loving, dedicated mom you are and your kids will recognize how much you do for them. They'll also realize the selfish drive to buy "toys" in their father.

    emoticon
    2603 days ago
  • REBECCA431
    BE a GREAT MOM!!! Say that's great to your kids and when they ask why can't I have ...your daddy doesn't give me any money and we are doing our best. I guess that is a little mean but I am always honest with my kids and they are great with dealing with the truth.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD...ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD. emoticon
    2615 days ago
  • LISACLEMEN
    Mr. "fun" sounds like a selfish child himself. I am sure he has no idea how to care for them. How to foster their self esteem. Kids need love and guidance and a set of rules by which to live. They need help negotiating this world. they need guidance in developing emotionally. He can not give them what they really need.
    If you were Ms. "Fun" you would not by raising your children.
    They will eventually figure that out.
    2622 days ago
  • ROAD_RHYTHM
    I don't think this is going to help what you're going through right now, but... while the kids may think dad's is "more fun" right now, as they grow up they're going to appreciate the love, support, and parenting they get at home. I remember wishing when I was young that my family was rich like some of my friends, because I'd have more fun, but by the time I was in high school... I really started to see some value in the way we lived, and was proud of growing up with less and still making something good of myself.

    Kids just don't know that their casual remarks can hurt.

    *internet-hugs*
    2622 days ago
  • MOM2FAT1
    Ok I'm a little late to the pitty party (I know not funny). I cant remember how old your kids are and I don't think it really maters. I'm sorry your ex is a #?*! .
    It looks like there is no end to the shi* that a ex will pull. My kid wear 9 & 11 when there dad left. It was a real bitch when they came home with stores of the fun they had. My little girl got a horse bla bla. I could go on for days. but that's not what you need.

    My son is turning 20 this Dec and My daughter just turned 17. My son is a 2nd year college student and my daughter graduates this spring. And guess what THE DEAD BEAT DAD CAN NOT TAKE ANY CREDIT FOR THAT.
    When your kiddos get older they will know who did what. and realise that you can't by love and respect. As kids we never realise what we put our parent thrue tell we become parents.

    I know it is really tuff but you will get past it. Just let your kids know that you love them, and don't let them see how much you hate the ex SOB You Will be the big and better person emoticon
    2623 days ago
  • MOM2FAT1
    Ok I'm a little late to the pitty party (I know not funny). I cant remember how old your kids are and I don't think it really maters. I'm sorry your ex is a #?*! .
    It looks like there is no end to the shi* that a ex will pull. My kid wear 9 & 11 when there dad left. It was a real bitch when they came home with stores of the fun they had. My little girl got a horse bla bla. I could go on for days. but that's not what you need.

    My son is turning 20 this Dec and My daughter just turned 17. My son is a 2nd year college student and my daughter graduates this spring. And guess what THE DEAD BEAT DAD CAN NOT TAKE ANY CREDIT FOR THAT.
    When your kiddos get older they will know who did what. and realise that you can't by love and respect. As kids we never realise what we put our parent thrue tell we become parents.

    I know it is really tuff but you will get past it. Just let your kids know that you love them, and don't let them see how much you hate the ex SOB You Will be the big and better person emoticon
    2623 days ago
  • CHRISTINA791
    I don't have any advice for you, so I'll leave it at virtual emoticon .

    Sorry the ex is being a d-bag, and I agree that eventually it'll come to light. I have a friend like that - he's not even a horrible guy, but in a lot of ways he acts like a kid himself and just doesn't quite get it. He loves being the fun dad to his toddler, but doesn't want to fully take on the role of parent and leaves the non-fun stuff to his ex wife. The child is young enough right now that he really doesn't understand what's up with mommy and daddy, but I can see it being an issue in the future if dad's maturity level doesn't improve. Sad situation.

    I hope things improve for you. In the mean time, keep being strong and holding on. Sadly, we can't control the way others behave, but we can control how we react to it. You're doing a fantastic job.
    2625 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/14/2011 11:49:43 AM
  • ELPHYY
    also... /highfive redshoes!

    I never knew the extent of what a dbag my father was until I was older and I think that's because my mom shielded me from it. But I learned a lot as I grew up, seeing the letters from lawyers, his requests to stop paying child support and alimony... it really shows his true colors.
    2625 days ago
  • ELPHYY
    Ouch, that hurts. =-(

    My mom was a single mom and I think I made her feel like this when I was little. I didn't mean to, but the only way my dad knew how to "love" me and to show me that he did, was to buy me things. So Dad's house was always great! There were tons of toys, and he'd take me shopping... but material things only go so far.

    He also stopped talking to me for about 8 years because he's selfish... and from what I gather of your ex, he's selfish too.

    I know it sucks right now, but when they're older they'll see all the love you have for them and what you sacrifice to be there for them. Think of some good things, now he HAS to pay you your child support and maybe you can afford some luxuries too. Be happy that your kids have a relationship with their father, even if he is a dbag. And remember that your kids are still young and don't have a full grasp of reality yet, I promise that when they're older they'll appreciate you so so so much more.

    Hang in there emoticon
    2625 days ago
  • CHRISSYANNE3
    When we grew up we didn't have a lot of money for extra things. Had to rent a VCR to watch movies on the weekends. What I do remember most though is the activities that we did that were free. Trips to the lake, fishing and the time we spent together. Maybe your kids can help motivate you to find time for free activities. At first they may not seem to like it but a trip to the school playground or something may turn into a fun time. Also think we miss the good old things like a bowl of popcorn and a good board game. I hope this helps you. If you need help with ideas I used to homeschool my kids and they are now 14 12 10 and 3. Could give you a few ideas or websites for ideas. Hang in there. In the end they find out that money is nowhere equivalent to a mother's love. :)
    2625 days ago
  • REDSHOES2011
    Just keep being mom, even if they don't show they are greatful for it.. They still love you and need you.. My youngest kid is being fostered with a wealthy family.. When they go on their expensive trips- he returns home to poor me..
    You see, the other women your ex is with- will never be you.. One day when they are old enough they will also see the crap he is doing..
    I thought, well my kid will give up seeing me.. But nope, now he knows their true colours he will walk 8 kms and crash on my beaten up sofa- saying this is home..
    When the kids are old enough, show them the letters from the lawyers and stuff.. Let them know the truth, don't say anything just let them make own conclusions.. Your ex may be in for a few rude awakenings..
    My oldest son still returns home, even if I don't have jake.. He reads the letters from social services and say mom I already figured they have screwed you over.. Don't worry I know your doing your best.. So I try to relax..
    2625 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/13/2011 11:32:24 PM
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