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The Green-Eyed Monster

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

One of my best friends in the world lives in CA. We went shopping together, did all sorts of fun stay-at-home wife stuff together, we were neighbors for a while, we even got pregnant at the same time. We also got fat together.

She came to visit early in the Spring and was so inspired by my weight loss that she decided to change her diet and exercise, too. She just hit the 30 pound mark.

When I read that post on facebook, I... well, I can't print here what my first thoughts were because they were vitriolic to say the least. I am so ashamed of that. What kind of friend am I to be so pissed off that she beat me to the 30 pound mark? The fact that I've been stalled here for so long is not her fault. Me shoving entire cakes in my face is not her fault. Me eating chocolate chips instead of exercising is not her fault. She didn't even send me my usual box of
brownies on my birthday.

No, my sad state of affairs is all *my* fault. Why can't I be proud that I inspired her to change? Why can't I be excited for her to reach such a milestone? OK #1, she's only got 10 more pounds to go, that makes my heart ache some. And #2 she beat me to 30. I'm wounded. And I'm annoyed that this stupid fat made me unable to be proud of someone I really love and who deserves it.

And I'm jealous, dangit.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PAG2809
    I'd bet that, having given yourself permission to feel all of these things, you will make room to feel all the things you want to feel. Sometimes you just have to give yourself permission to feel both the way you want to and the way you do...
    2401 days ago
  • UTMIZ_2000
    Congratulations. You are human. I've heard that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. She imitated you - be flattered.

    I think it's okay even to tell her you're both happy for her and a bit jealous. Then get out there and imitate her!

    I bet you didn't realize you were such a motivational person. Maybe there's a side career here?

    Anyway, I bet she doesn't write half as good as you do.
    2413 days ago
    I love your honesty.

    Now you can't honestly tell me that the competitive part of you doesn't feel absolutely invigorated by this, ready to throw down the gauntlet and say "game on, byotch!"

    Or am I totally wrong?
    2415 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    First things first - great blog. Honest, concise, relatable.... So, you inspired her, now it is her turn to inspire you. You got fat together, you will get fit together. I am guessing you didn't match each other pound for pound on the way UP the scale so you probably won't be a matched set on the way down, either. There is some really good advice and practical wisdom in the comments to your blog (I LOVE reading blog comments). I especially like the advice to congratulate her - it is the single quickest antidote to jealousy, teaching ourselves to be happy for someone else's accomplishments. It is hard, but it is so liberating. One of my favorite parts of being older is the liberation from jealousy, for the most part. Okay, sparkly mama - get busy! PS Your new look is so flipping cute.
    2415 days ago
  • CAALAN23
    Sometimes Life has a really sarcastic way of getting our attention, doesn't it?

    Of course, you know how to turn this around and use it.

    Be positive to the friend, take that jealousy and frustration that is burning so hotly and use it for fuel in your workouts.

    Remember that she may have felt the same thing. Jealously is like inspiration's evil twin.

    Get goin', girl! I know you can do this!
    2415 days ago
    You are doing emoticon !!!
    Thank you for being honest. Maybe writing it down and getting your feelings out about her (inspired by you) loss will help!
    YOU ARE emoticon !
    2415 days ago
    what I see underlying this all is something way cooler though - you Sparked someone to make positive changes in their life - you deserve like major life points for that (I would have said "brownie points" but I'm thinking it is best not to mention brownies - oops!)

    you've come really far, and you have A LOT! to be proud of - and I would bet money she couldn't hold a candle to your amazing-funny-inspiring blogs emoticon

    just tell that green-eyed monster that chartreuse is more your speed (vague reference to your page color)
    2415 days ago
    ehhh....I'm thinking this is more frustration with yourself rather than true jealousy. If you'd been more focused and "in the game" all summer you'd be there too! (*cough*ahem*full disclosure* I feel similarly about several online friends*cough)

    Acknowledge it...congratulate her even if it kills you and makes your head puff up and turn purple with steam coming out your ears...and get crackin' on your own plan!

    Maybe I should take my own advice, hmmm. sigh.....

    2415 days ago
    jealously is human....now go ahead and beat her to the finsh line! (i will eat those cakes for you...lol)
    2415 days ago
  • KRISTEN282
    I've been there too. Just don't let it throw you off your course! You'll get there too if you just keep up the good work :)
    2416 days ago
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