KASEYCOFF
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Day 249: It's NOT Charlotte--

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Now, don't get me wrong: I don't suffer from arachnophobia. I don't go into hysterics every time I see a spider, or even a generic creepy-crawly. But the idea of bug bites and stings is horribly repellant to me (you may remember my 'Fear of Wasps' blog), and added to that is the distaste for much of what insects indoors represent - as in dirt and disease, among other things, not to mention that whole negative statement on the housekeeping.

When I'm not wearing my glasses I literally can't see my hand in front of my face. (Stay with me here - it's relevant.) Sure, I see a pinkish-pale blob, but nothing distinct. Even my fingers aren't clearly fingers, merely amorphous sausage shapes without lines or definition.

So imagine my surprise when I was drying my face this morning and came up out of the towel to be presented with this in the bathtub:



Uh huh.

I saw it without my glasses on. How big does something have to be for me to realize it's there? Oh, I didn't see it clearly - it was farther away than my hands, and I wasn't exactly pushing forward to get closer. But I knew from the size and color against the tub wall exactly what it had to be. And hollered for Himself.

Like I said, I don't suffer from arachnophobia, but demmed if I'm going to TOUCH the things, even through the relative safety of a kleenex.

He studied it a moment, commenting "Well, it's certainly a big 'un!" then proceeded to muse if he should get a jar and capture it so he could (in his words) 'get a proper look at it.'

"Uh, yeh, but in the meantime if you would--"

"That's one of the biggest I've ever seen. You know, it's probably a female. It's a good 2-1/2 inches across, with that leg span. Maybe it's so big because it's about to lay eggs."

"Forget the entomology lesson! Would you just--"

"Technically, it wouldn't be 'entomology,' it would be 'arachnology,' since it's not an insect but an arachnid and--"

"SHUT UP AND GET THE DEMMED THING OUTTA THE BATHTUB--!!!!!"

Ahem.

I love the man. You know I do. And sometimes I re-e-eally struggle to remember things like the waterfall and the whippoorwill and his taking care of me when I had my feet operated on and his support when I went back to the US for six months to look after my mother.

Later when I calmed down I said "Look, I'm sorry I shouted at you. I was getting tense and I was afraid it would somehow escape the bathtub and end up who-knows-where. I have no problem with spiders and other wildlife outdoors, out where they belong. I just don't deal with them very well when they invade my living space."

"No problem," sez Himself.

"Good. It's the only reason I married you, y'know. Ha ha. Bug-hunter extraordinaire. Courage in the face of danger. I think monster spiders will always zoo me out, but I'll try to get a handle on the shouting business next time."

" 'sokay" sez he. "I expect a little hysteria now and then."

People, that's a whole different blog, but... I probably deserved it, what with the crack about his spider-killing prowess 'n' all. Even so, I think there are days when no jury in the world would convict me.

And with that, it's goodnight, Sparklers, wherever you are!


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DEDICATED2HIM
    I love your writing style...you gave me a good laugh to start my day. Now would you do with MY Himself who calls me to stomp or otherwise REMOVE every crawly he encounters...even not hesitating to wake you from a rare sound sleep to do so??

    Grounds for divorce? Yeah., If I'm feeling charitable J

    :)
    thanks for your blog.
    3257 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/8/2011 8:56:42 AM
  • VW_STEPH
    Hehehehe you guys are funny! :D

    I wouldn't say i have arachnaphobia but oooohh gosh i am scared of them little beasties.... eeewww they make me shivverrr!!!! x
    3258 days ago
  • ASPENHUGGER
    That was some spider! emoticon
    Himself doesn't live here, and the cat refuses to cooperate, so I have to de-spider the bathtub (& everywhere else) myself. Generally I leave them alone as long as they don't do backflips in front of me, but once they make themselves known I try to scoop them up & transplant them to the garden where they can thrive and catch whatever.

    Those little black furry ones ("That would be a "Daring Jumping Spider", or Phidippus audax. They are harmless and not aggressive, but yes, they CAN jump, very well in fact. They hunt just like tiny cats, stalking and pouncing on insect prey, sometimes taking down insects much larger than themselves. They do seem to enjoy interacting with humans, for some reason, possibly because they are actually very intelligent creatures, and because their eye configuration is a bit like ours, with two large forward-facing eyes.") make me skittish though -- they're fast little buggers, & they always seem to be studying me, belligerently.
    3258 days ago
  • TRACYZABELLE
    Well she sure is ugly! I don't want that crawling near me no way no how!
    3258 days ago
  • PROT358
    As a college student living in a dorm unit (with 7 other roommates), I got dubbed the "brave" one for killing spiders, but most of the other girls thought it was cruel. They actually got really mad if I was about to squish one, and inevitably one would usher it back outside. And how we got the spider problem? They left the main unit door open all day long during the fall and spring, so we had all kinds of nasty crawlies with lots of places to hide. I was the only one of the eight of us brave enough to kill them.

    But let me say the bathtub is the best place to find one. Turn on the water, splash it on the spider so it gets swept away in the current, let it go swimming until it stops moving. Ideally it goes down the drain, but if you have to get Himself to retrieve the body at least you have the peace of mind knowing it's dead. But still, what a terrible shock. Eww. Even from a spider killer to a non spider killer, you have my pity.

    P.S. From my college spider squishing days I found some spider killing spray that shoots a good three feet away, and they start twitching and wither away before your very eyes. And I can say from firsthand experience it does work even on HUGE spiders (we're talking baseball size). Bad mental picture...
    3258 days ago
  • MOBYCARP
    Himself is incredibly patient. The last conversation I had with my daughter about a spider went like this.

    Daughter: Dad, what kind of spider is this?

    STOMP!

    Me: Dead spider.

    I'm willing to let them live out their natural life span in the wild, but if they enter my house they're taking their chances.
    3258 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3509645
    That is a very large spider. Why is men always see the need to pontificate at just such a moment? They really are very different. At least he got to be the hero! So what did he do with the spider? Did he catch and release or splat it? You can't leave us hanging!

    emoticon
    3258 days ago
  • BIGLITTLEWOMAN
    They all wlant to come in to the nice warm house when the temperatures start dropping. Keep your glasses on for the next few weeks so you don't miss any more trespassing spiders looking to nest. emoticon
    3258 days ago
  • THECRAZYMANGO
    I really like reading you guys exchanges. Men really are from another planet but I am glad he got to be your hero! emoticon
    3258 days ago
  • ONEKIDSMOM
    Me? If you saw me shred my son's paper snake when he was in 4th grade, you'd guess what *I* do with spiders, and it doesn't involve waiting around for a testosterone bearer! That critter would have been SPLAT! FLAT! Wiped off and GONE!

    Yes, I have me this violent streak when it comes to bugs and reptiles.

    - Barb (humming the tune to "I don't like spiders and snakes...")
    3258 days ago
  • MS.ELENI
    I would have got a little upset too. Glad he finally got it for you
    3258 days ago
  • DEBIGENE
    I try not to lkill spiders, if I can catch them in a tissue or cup or something then I can let them outside where they belong. BUT I have smashed a few in my time when they got just to darn close to me and scared the crap outta me and I din't have time to try and save the darn thing. Glad hubby was there to come to your rescue, finally, lol.
    3258 days ago
  • LEANJEAN6
    Blimey!!! --It lookas like an english spider!--LOl--Well, you had me smiling once again-- Does ""he ""study these creatures??--I think I wudda bashed it though---LOL-----Spiders and snakes are bad ---- Well, we stained more ""rails"" on the deck--almost fdinished--I would like to give the floor part another coat----then we will call it a day--pretty pooped to-night--- Husband watching tennis---Lynda --from the North where you can feel the crunch in the air- emoticon
    3258 days ago
  • DEBRITA01
    I loved the story...good thing Himself is there to protect you :) It was a good read after a long and busy day...thanks for the smile! emoticon
    3258 days ago
  • 4DOGNIGHT
    I didn't know they had spiders in England. You know its bad luck to kill a spider but I guess I would go for the chances. One time we had a huge spider full of babies. I stepped on her and all the babies came out. Got out the spray quick. Just what I needed, baby spiders everyone. Have you ever seen a golden orb spider. We had one and they are supposedly harmless but this thing is at least 4 inches long! And a huge web! Don't want it anyway! Have a good nights rest.
    3258 days ago
  • LYNMEINDERS
    I love it...
    i would have been doing more than shouting...I would have left the house....lol....
    And I love oyur dialogue with Himself over your reaction....they truly are gorgeous and lovable even if we do shout at them occassionally.....
    3258 days ago
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