Sunday, September 04, 2011
It's been a rough past month, however, I think some good has come out of it. I knew on some level that I ate at night, but I just chalked it up to boredom. After really looking into my eating patterns this month I realized that boredom may play into it somewhat, but it is primarily because I don't get any breaks through the day either from my job (have to eat without any breaks) or from the kids. I eat throughout the day, but I'm not conscious of it. After a day my nerves are usually spent, and when I get a chance to sit down and finally relax, I am starving. So now that I am aware of the issue, I have been drinking large amounts of water and noshing on fruit if I have 'that need to eat' feeling at night. I'm not sure if it is a fluke or not, but In the 5 days of doing this I have lost 3.5 lbs, so here's hoping.
This revelation has opened me up quite a bit more emotionally. Eating at night was a way to suppress some pretty powerful emotions. As a family we have quite a bit going on these days, most of it is fairly stressful. This week has been very difficult because not eating has made me have to confront some upsetting issues. It is almost easier to eat yourself numb than have the emotional roller coaster I have been on. I think the trick is to find some emotional coping mechanisms that will work as food did. I am hoping dance, yoga and walking might eventually work to fill that void.
Although I have not lost all that much weight this year, I have really been working on the underlying issues behind my eating . Between therapy and internal reflection, I think I am in a much more prepared place to head into the adventure that will be weight loss. In battle they say to know your enemies, well I think I have a better grasp of my internal demons. On a subconscious level I think I have had a deep fear of facing my demons, but I think I just may have the tools now to move past them.