Please help me
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I swear, I'm my own worst enemy. I daydream about being a sparkmotivator and how my accomplishments will inspire someone, but I don't accomplish crap. I couldn't even stick to my goals for 2 days, nevermind any longer than that. I don't want to look like this. I hate how I feel. Is there a blog trophy for most depressing?
I think my husbands depression is bringing me down. He refuses to go get help. He blames me for attacking him when I just want him to get help. He has an answer for everything when I try to tell him that he has symptoms of severe depression. I tried to tell him I would leave if he didn't go... well, its been nearly a month and he hasn't gone. Now what? I can't deal.
All I want to do is eat. I know if I had a big bag of candy right now I'd feel fine. But since I don't, I'm just sitting here crying. I made terrible decisions today and I can't help but beat myself up. I guess one day's worth of pride was enough for my brain to say, good enough, let's go back. I suck at this. I suck.
You know, I'm just tired of it. I KNOW how to lose weight. I have done it before. But I get so damn lazy. I'm just flat out lazy. It makes me want to scream and I have nothing to scream about. Just 5 more pounds. I'm the first person I know who gained weight on a diet. I say I want an accountability buddy and my husband tries to help me over the phone, but what do I do? I LIE. I lied about what I got from Sonic. And I lied a lot. I didn't just get a plain hotdog. I got a footlong coney with chili and cheese, and mozzarella sticks, and cheddar peppers. WTF is wrong with me?
Please help me. Just say anything. Anything has to be better than this.