Bringing Sexy Back
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
[CAUTION - Total Narcissistic Moment Ahead]
Did you know that if you look up the word narcissistic in a Thesaurus, it tells you that it means selfish? I, to an extent, disagree. I find it incredibly self-powering and healthy to have an interest in yourself and how you look. Call me vain, conceited or self-indulgent, but in a world filled with negative body image, I welcome a little narcissism with open arms.
Being obsessed with my own body image has been an ongoing struggle for me - and I don’t use the word “obsessed” lightly. Every day I check any reflection I can find to make sure I look half-way decent. I wouldn’t say it’s to gaze at myself with admiration, but more-so to check the status of my apparent love handles, my chub that is protruding from the bottom band of my bra, my underarm bat-wings, and my muffin top. A new study guesstimates that the average woman looks at her reflection around 70 times a day. I believe it.
Now that I have made extreme healthy life changes (I won’t call it dieting/exercising), I have been falling more and more in love with my body. Having always been the chubby girl, the chubby sibling, the chubby daughter, the chubby friend, I - for the first time in my life - feel absolutely beautiful and sexy. And just like that, my insecurities are melting away with each pound, each ounce of fat. My head is held a little higher. The swish in my hips is more pronounced. I find myself strutting across a parking lot or supermarket. I can feel my confidence soaring through the roof. Even if its just in my head, I feel everyone staring at me. My boyfriend has become sexier to me. I want to be held, kissed, touched more then ever before. I walk around my apartment in the cutest underwear I can find, just because I can, and I worked damn hard to look good doing it. I am a goddess.
I, ladies and gentlemen, am falling in love with me. And I have no apologies for it. I refuse to feel bad or hide the fact that I feel like I look amazing. Why should I? With all the taunting and all the name calling throughout these years; all those nights feeling like I’m ugly and not worth it and that I’ll never amount to those girls I would stare enviously at while working out at the gym, as I hid in baggy clothes in the women’s section; all those years of longingly wanting a cute guy’s attention and settling for what I think I could only get. No. I refuse to feel bad for being a little narcissistic. I feel like I finally deserve to look in the mirror and confidently say that I am one sexy piece of ass.
So, this is me giving you permission to flaunt your body, and to not feel guilty with being conceited or vain from time to time. You worked so hard for what you have now. Enjoy. Embrace. Love Yourself.