Back From Being M.I.A.
Monday, August 22, 2011
So, I know I haven’t blogged in, well, quite a long time to say the least, but I feel like I have been super preoccupied. But I can officially say that I am BACK! Where have I been the last few months? - one might ask. Well, earlier this year it hit me. I was turning 25 on July 12th. I needed a change. I needed something profound to happen. I needed to know who I was and where I was going and just to figure everything out. So, I began a small quest to do just that. My boyfriend Draco hired a personal trainer for me. I know what some people might be thinking - CHEATER! I sort of felt the same. I hate admitting when I need help, but I honestly did need help. Not that I was getting fatter or anything, but I just couldn’t get it into gear. I became sort of lazy. I would put off exercising all the time, and I would make excuses for my eating habits. It needed to stop. I began going to the trainer (who has now become my ultimate hero, Kim) twice a week. She put me through hell, and each and every week I began to notice myself shrinking. The only thing that brought me down was that the scale didn’t change. What also didn’t change was my eating habits. Don’t get me wrong, I made a little more healthier decisions, but for the most part, I could have done a lot better. Regardless, after 7 weeks and 14 sessions, I was/am a rock hard, lean mean fighting machine. I converted my fat into muscle, and people would even start to comment on my transformation to Kim in the gym. How awesome is that!? It feels so good to accomplish a goal. By the time my birthday hit, I felt amazing and svelte. What also needed a change was my mindframe. I began seeing a therapist to help me understand myself better. Why do I think this way? What are some triggers of my poor body image? And that’s what I learned. I have amazingly BAD body image. Its so ironic too because I am such a huge supporter and advocate of seeing yourself in a positive light, curves are beautiful and what not. Its easier said than done. I have no problem preaching it, leading a forum/group, instilling it in my friends and family, but when it comes to myself, I can honestly say that I just saw fat, fat and more fat. It became unhealthy, to tell you the truth, it still is. Its something that I think I will always struggle with, but at least I’ve recognized the problem, and I can hopefully get better each day at a time.
When my training ended with Kim, I panicked. I quickly thought that I was going to go off the depend and just binge eat and get lazy again, so I made it a point to be in the gym at least 5 days a week. I also dramatically changed the way I was eating. Draco and I have become a fan of juicing our fruits and vegetables to create healthy, organic and natural tonics to aid in our health. I’ve starting drinking tons of juice and water throughout the day and sometimes substituting it for other meals. A week ago, I cut out all meats and carbs altogether and just ate fruits, veggies and water. It was amazing how the pounds melted off. I lost around 5 in a week. I feel amazing, and for the first time in my life, I think I LOOK amazing too. Life is good.