Last night, I took action that I know I've needed to for a long time. For the past two and a half years, I've been with a guy who I shouldn't have been. I don't mean that he was a "bad boy" (I do like the type, though.) I mean, he isn't the guy for me, and I had been telling myself I was being unreasonable. That sounds dumb now that I type it. I had hooked up with him one drunken night in 2007. He ended up saving me from slamming my temple into the corner of a toilet tank, which may have killed me. All he had time for was to put his hand between my head and the tank, softening the blow. While I am grateful for that, I don't really remember much of the night, just that I was way too hungover the next day. Those binge-drinking days are long gone, but he had such a great time that he spent the next year and a half trying to see me again. I wasn't very cooperative, because I always get into relationships with guys I shouldn't. What I mean is, I usually say, "Why not? Who am I to judge whether they're worth it or not?" I now know that is no good reason to start a relationship with anyone, but I'm sure I am not the only one who reasons this way. When he finally managed to get my new number and contact me, I was feeling kind of lonely and thought I wanted another bf. He had a daughter and had been married for 10 years to a woman who I am not sure is entirely mentally stable. At this point, I would like to briefly say that I do not want kids ever or get married. I have a long list of reasons, but that's not the point of this blog. So, he was divorced and had a child support order for his daughter. He claims to really love his daughter, but the living situation he leaves her in with her crazy, slovenly mother makes me wonder...I didn't know all that in the beginning and we had a great time together. He's 15 years older than I am, which is outside of my predetermined 10 years older age limit. But I though, "Why not?" I was paying for nearly everything we did, because I had a great paying job and like to be generous with my friends. My mom had made a huge deal about money in my upbringing, which I completely disagree with, so I didn't really limit my spending much on anything. I think this set a precedent in our relationship and probably created the problem that escalated. I took him and his daughter to Six Flags and other places, blowing at least $40 every time we did anything, with or without her. I thought I could be cool, but I don't really like being around children at all, unless I can later go home and be alone. Everything was great in the beginning, like I said. Then, he fooled around with my, then, best friend when she came to visit from Colorado. The first night they met!! In MY living room!!! I had a major anxiety attack when it was happening and was powerless (because I couldn't breathe) to do much about it while it was happening. They didn't have sex, so I thought I should just forgive him, since I've done plenty of stupid things while I was drunk. We talked it through and got past it. He was always being way too friendly with other women, though, the whole relationship. I always got angry and confronted him, but he managed to say just the right words to get me to drop it. Flattery will get you anywhere. Two months into the relationship, he got kicked out of his apartment for turning his stereo up too loud too late at night. He's half-deaf and needs a hearing aid and had already irritated the neighbors twice before this way. So he called me freaking out about what had happened. I should've seen right then that he was a loser and dumped him on principle. But I don't want to hurt anyone if I can help it and I offered my second bedroom in my apartment to him. I had been living alone for two years and thoroughly enjoyed it! I liked being alone, having everything stay exactly the way I left it, knowing I only had to clean up after myself, etc. Please tell me how a 40 year old man has no resources when he finds himself homeless?! I should've seen that, but I was trying to be understanding and kept forgetting that he was so much older and should've been more successful with his life. I kept thinking he was my age and it was understandable that he was working at Dairy Queen as a cook. My two dear friends (they're married, but I've known them both since a few months before they got together in 2002) who've always been there for me and never once pissed me off, didn't like him from the get go. He came out to visit with me and hit on their neighbor! That was it, they didn't like him from then on, understandably. That should've been enough for me, then, but he always knew exactly what to say in those situations! I feel like such a sucker
After he moved in with me, it was okay until I said he could bring his daughter there for the every other weekend he had custody. She was 11 going on 12 at this point and I thought I may be okay since she was older. Wrong! I'm not making excuses for myself, I just know the way I am and don't expect that anybody should have to put up with the weird things about me that make me impossible to live with. I was entirely happy to live by myself for the rest of my life. I enjoy being alone! It sounds strange to most people, but my two dear friends (I'm going to start calling them T & C to make this easier) totally accept this and don't bring their kids with them to my apartment. It seems that my bf didn't understand this, even though I had spelled it out to him many times. I always felt like he was cramming his daughter down my throat! I told him this repeatedly, but he either didn't want to accept it or refused to understand. We went back and forth on this and I would tell him not to bring his daughter over any more. Then, I would cave and feel like a big meanie for not letting him bring his daughter to where he lives. I really have not been happy for nearly this whole relationship for these main reasons, but we had some good times, so I just thought I couldn't break up with him for that...I know, people have broken up for way less...it was just hard and so I didn't want to do it. The other problem was that he couldn't seem to hold a steady job and has only helped pay for bills three times the whole two plus years he's been living with me. It was fine, I told myself, since I could afford them myself and he had child support to pay. Until, I lost my job last September. I'm lucky I rent from my parents, or I would've been evicted a while ago. By the way, they never liked my bf because he is so much older than me and they think I deserve way better. I just think that this is my life and I need to make those decisions, so I just stuck with him. Now, he hasn't even returned the favor of covering the bills once I was collecting unemployment benefits or since my unemployment ran out. We've been living off the local food pantry and food stamps for way too long. I've always been proud to support myself, so this has been hard on me. I've been trying, but he has barely put in minimal effort to support us. I'm tired of it and had been for nearly a year. I would discuss this problem with T & C, who would support me and tell it like it is. But every time I talked to my bf, he managed to put down my argument enough that I just gave up. I've finally had enough of being miserable and told him he needs to go. The last straw was when he went to our local Independence Day celebration day one concert alone (I didn't want to go.) That wasn't the problem, though. He got drunk and then drove to a nearby friend of his and also up to a former friend of mine's house which was up the street. I had a break with this male friend and no longer speak to him. However, he, I'll call him E, still considers me a friend. My bf was talking trash on me to E! He said that I'm nasty, and fat, and am just getting fatter and fatter, and all I want to do is sit around and get fat. OMG! Even though my bf knows I've been losing weight and trying to be healthier, for him to say such things about me to someone who considers me a friend is really hurtful.
E stood up for me and told my bf they were going to fight if he kept saying such things, so my bf left. I didn't find out about this until a week later from T & C, who are still good friends with E. T & C were mad and wanted to confront my bf about these things, but did not, out of consideration for me. It took me a while to register these things and decide what I wanted to do. I've had enough and and told him to go last night, but he has many excuses and no place to go. So sad that a 42 year old man can't figure out where to live now that his 27 year old gf won't support him any more! I'm sorry, I hope I didn't rant too much and thank you to anyone who stuck it out through my whole blog. I've realized that I'm trying to improve my life and be healthier, and I can't with a guy like this. I'm DONE!