My hurt locker and bringing it along for the journey

Saturday, August 20, 2011

I mention my hurt locker a lot.

I didn't make up the term. It has been a long time military term. To put it in context, when someone was in trouble, it was said they were going to be taken out or put in to the hurt locker.

There was also a very good movie called the Hurt Locker. It was a military movie made about a guy who would disarm bombs in Iraq. He had a box that he would put bomb parts in that he disarmed or that had almost killed him. The director of the film described the term Hurt Locker as a place of ultimate pain.

I stole the term Hurt Locker to use in my own life, as I have a place within my soul that I stuff my pain. I lock it away. If I could give you a visual of my Hurt Locker, this would be it below....

Looks kind of pretty on the outside when it is all closed up. But on the inside are things so heinous and sad that it is better if it stays all sealed up inside.

My hurt locker keeps coming up in blogs and in my mind as I move along on my weight loss journey. It is the reason I don't think I am worth the effort somedays. It is the reason the weight on my shoulders seems so heavy.

As I drag the hurt locker along with me, sometimes the darn thing pops open and lets me peak inside for a little reminder of its contents. The pain and stench inside sometimes sets me back .

For those who think that the equation to weight loss is Diet+Exercise= weight loss, they are slightly wrong. They didn't factor in the variable of the hurt locker. Some of us drag along a MUCH bigger one than others.

I am not making excuses. I just know a really bad week emotionally for me with the combination of not losing weight or even gaining a pound REALLY defeats me.

For me, I need to start addressing my hurt locker and facing the contents within if I want to be ok. The contents inside did NOT kill me. Yes, they hurt me greatly. Yes, I wish they never happened. I cannot change it, but I survived and I CAN overcome so I can stop dragging the thing along with me anymore.

I DO have a new plan for the diet and exercise.....but my REAL focus is moving myself forward emotionally out of the darkness. Until I really start dealing with my hurt locker, I will be at risk of self sabotage, and I am better than that.

We ALL are.

I am DONE dragging on a lifetime of hurts. Time to love myself, because I am AWESOME.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I can very much relate to your Hurt Locker! So much of it is a process like a "habit." Perfectionism, being my own harshest critic, all that anger...stuff it away! If it leaks around the edges too much batten down the hatch! It can be more than a little scary to just let it remind ourselves that nobody's going to die, there won't be any blood spilled...! And yes, there just might be a little more sunlight in our lives to help us flourish even more!

    2800 days ago
    CANBDONE is right...let the bright light of day clear them out. All of our old wounds and hurts just seem to grow in a dark musty place just like the fungus they are. Sunlight (and maybe a little emotional clorox) is the answer.
    2801 days ago
    Our secrets keep us sick. Open up that lid, Girl, and let them out! Everytime you stuff them back in the locker...they remain there. You already know the SURVIVED! Shine the light in WILL like what you see. You're stronger than you ever imagined...awesome even!
    2801 days ago
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    2801 days ago
    Good for you! I know my weight gain is directly related to stress and pain in my life. So I completely understand what you mean. And I am done with it. I'm releasing it. I'm taking care of myself now. We can do this. We don't need to hold on to past hurts. You are worth it and I am worth it! You are awesome girl and don't listen to anything inside that locker that says different!
    2801 days ago
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