great progress but loss of friends
Thursday, August 18, 2011
It's understood that you will not always agree with your friends. It's understood everyone has opinions. We don't always agree based on our own experiences and education (or lack thereof) depending on the subject.
I've lost two friends this week. One was an aquaintence that I didn't really respect to begin with so it is what it is. The other is a close friend I've known since elementary school. We've seen each other through marriages, children, divorces, and the single life. We've just experienced them at different times. She was in college living the single life and married later. I didn't go to college. I married and had a family early on...did not experience the single life. My children are teenagers while hers are still in elementary school. I'm in a stable long term relationship after my divorce and she's divorced living the single life again. So with that information you can understand that we haven't experienced life the same way.
Phases in our lives are not parallel to anyone else so we can never truly understand what the other has been through. We can relate to similarities but never know what they do. I did not "diet" after having children, I didn't eat a lot to begin with. Taking care of babies will wear you out haha and can be a workout in itself so it didn't take too long for me to lose the pregnancy weight...give or take a year maybe? And because I had children so long ago I'm in a different phase in my life. My children are more independent and don't need me to do everything for them. I have time to focus on myself and be a healthy role model for my children. Now, our friendship has become distant because of location and family obligations; it happens. We've grown apart over the years but have tried to just hang on to that friendship. It's one thing to grow distant and go your separate ways; it's another for a random burst of anger to come out of no where and name calling with no explanation of any wrong doing to cause the anger. Yes, unfortunately this is the way our friendship has ended and it started by my passion to share what I know and have educated myself about health and fitness. She's educated in numbers, taxes and such. She lives in a small town with limited resources. I live in a big city with everything at my disposal. People I socialize with are well aware of how long and why I've focused on my own health and fitness. I was thrown for a loop when an arguement and defensive behavior was the feedback I got from one of my MANY posts about women's bodies. A difference in opinion, mine based on fact, hers based on old myth. I will not let old myths hold me back and keep me or anyone I care for down. As women and friends we should empower and inspire, not judge. Somewhere a lot of resentment was built up on her end and our friendship is now over. She is not in the same place as I am and can't understand why I am the way I am now. So be it but at least talk to me about your concerns, don't blow up on me and give no explanation. Explain why I'm viewed as "obsessive". Passion and obsession have a very thin line and I am NOT obsessive haha I'm disciplined, focused, aware, goal oriented, open minded, educated...that does not equal obsession.
I've heard others (friends in fitness) experiencing this but I never thought I'd experience it myself. I don't want to walk on eggshells with people who don't agree with my views but if you're going to challenge me on something, have something concrete to back it up. Don't give me cliche excuses for having an opinion...an opinion based on WHAT?! I have no problem accepting that my version of truth is possibly false or that maybe I understood something wrong but give me something to work with or don't bother. What irritates me about this situation is that she could not give me an explanation of why she felt such hatred for me out of no where. What did I do to her that made her so mad?! She can't answer that. I can't justify it and I don't want to waste my time on ignorance. Our friendship was growing apart and we didn't really have much in common other than mutual friends and being mothers. So I accept a loss of friendship and am moving on.
I used whatever irritation/anger to fuel my workouts yesterday and again today. I would like to just forget the event and not lull over it. I'm doing so well, nothing can hold me back. I do have other friends who KNOW me and are TRUE friends who support me. I'm on the brink of completing 3 full weeks of consistent workouts and spot on clean eating. I'm extremely proud of my progress and have faith I'll do well in this journey. I'm doing this for ME anyway ;)