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True Confessions of an Overeater

Friday, August 12, 2011

Wow, I have had tons of success with this website. I have tried all sorts of diets, pills, and supposedly "magic fixes" because losing weight the right way is hard work. It takes time to cook, measure, and log my food, not to mention the hours sweating on the fitness equipment. But, for the past nine months, I have done it. I've not been perfect, but I was doing something right.

So,why have I given myself free rein to eat whatever I see in front of me for the last week or so? It really started going downhill on Monday. We had a swim party for our 4-H here at the house, and I bought several packages of hot dogs for the event. I had two at the party, and some chips, and a cheesecake dessert that is to die for. Ok, that is not going to kill me, and I knew I just needed to get back on track the next day. Things like that have happened all along my journey, but I knew it was part of life, and I was okay with that. But we had tons of hot dogs left over, and I have eaten so many of them over the past week (thank goodness they are gone)! I even made chili on Tuesday, and had two chili dogs that evening. I have munched on those chips I so proudly resisted the week before. Enjoyed pepper jack cheese on Triscuits. Thursday evening I ate 4 (yes, four) hot dogs. With buns. How does a person even physically do that? I've had to run quick errands to town twice over the past few days and had two medium (not small or mini sized) blizzards. Of course yesterday it was McDonald's fault because they had a truck blocking their drive-thru. I was going to have their ice cream cone, but when I saw that truck, I was determined to have the DQ blizzard, something I had talked myself OUT of before I left on that errand.

I got on the scale this morning and weighed 177. That is 12 pounds OVER what my ticker says. I know I haven't really gained that much, but I know I have gained a lot. Probably at least 6 or 7 pounds. I was SO close to my goal for the 5% Summer Challenge. One of the team leaders even posted congrats to me and a few others who were just on the verge of getting to our 8 week goal. I'm trying to analyze why I do this to myself. It seems like I hit a milestone, and then let myself go for a while. I just can't do that, but it happens every time. What will I do when I hit my goal? At this rate, I am taking three steps back for every one step forward. Yesterday I did great until that trip to town. But I checked my tracker, and that blizzard put me at my calorie limit for the day. So, I threw in the towel and had a cheese enchilada with the family. Then friends came over for a late night swim and I had some pizza with them. And that was AFTER I had "vowed to do better."

So, I am taking it one step at a time here. Tomorrow is weekly weigh-in for the Summer Challenge. I'm going to be honest, just like always. And I know there are people out there who will see the number and wonder just how the heck I can let myself go when I have come so far. Heck, they will probably wonder how a person can gain that much in just a week! And you know what? I wonder that, too. But I don't have the answer. I am thankful for all my friends on here, because I do feel accountable to you all. That is the difference in this site and all other weight-loss tools I have tried. So, here is me, confessing my "sins," and trying to climb back on the wagon.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow Been there doing that. Been sick for over a week and haven't cared what I have been eating. But On Sunday I will be back on track and behaving. Wish you the best Hon!! God Bless!!! emoticon Katie
    2490 days ago
    Wait a minute... did I dictate this blog to you?? I'm pretty sure I could have written it!! Somehow that's comforting to me... to know that someone like yourself who seems so strong and determined, had a hiccup along the way. And then I read your newest blog and see that you've already dropped several pounds! WAY TO GO!!! WOOT WOOT!

    I've been totally (and I mean TOTALLY) out of control since I got home from vacation. Vacation was a picnic compared to the way I've been eating since I got home and all I can figure out is that it is because I feel so overwhelmed with what I walked back into -- at work and at home -- too much for one person so I shut my brain down by numbing it with food. LOTS OF FOOD!

    I went to the Dr. today for a checkup and she asked what was going on - I'd gained 8 pounds since being there last time. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'd actually gained more than that (she just never knew I'd lost a few more pounds). I can only blame myself and my out of control behavior.

    So anyway, I see the light at the end of the tunnel (I was already run over by the oncoming train, this light is actually the light at the end now) :)

    We're meeting with my parents tomorrow night for a birthday celebration and then it's KATHY TIME! I get me back! The me that eats healthy and exercises!!

    I know you're probably still busy this week with the 4-H and all, but I'm wishing you luck - I hope you're back - I hope you've forgiven yourself and moved on. I might be leaning on you the next few days as I forgive myself and move on, too. OK???
    2493 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/22/2011 10:21:08 PM
    I guess we've all been there. Sorry you are going through this right now. I'm right there with you. I'm getting the exercise in, but not losing. It has to be the eating! We'll both do better this week-ok?
    2500 days ago
    Okay well don't leave me out of this group! I am right there with all of you. Been eating like a truck driver and gaining like a "whatever"! I am up 6-7 lbs off my ticker too. Do not have the heart to move it up. Keep thinking I can shed it off in a few days and NO ONE will know. I am staying mentally positive and am determined to get all this back off. I got on the treadmill the other day for the first time since being sick in 5 weeks and "boy howdy" was I a wreck. the up side of all of this is that we KNOW we can do this. So we slip. Its okay. Just get back in that saddle and ride for the house!!
    2501 days ago
    Yep....been there.....tooooo many times. It also happens when I brag on my page about an accomplishment.....WHAM...right up side the head...I blow it all to pieces. Boy, it makes me mad!

    I love all those things you ate. Luckily...I don't live within 100 miles of a DQ...or I'd be livin' in their drive thru! Another person mentioned the sodium in hot dogs (and all restaurant's just a killer!) Maybe you can make a "trade" with yourself. If you can get outta Dodge without eating junk in town (or at the 4-H party), you can have something else that you really, really LIKE (which is healthy). You're not saying "NO, you can't have anything that's bad for you." You're saying "you can have something that's NOT QUITE as bad for you and is still a treat...but a healthy one." I also don't weigh in the day after I've blown it (the disappointment is too dangerous for me" ). I get back on track immediately BIG TIME for a day or 2, then weigh in and usually a lot of the damage is gone. I realize you have a Challenge weigh in....and I admire your integrity. Just don't let it get you down...this is a temporary blip..and you can undo the damage. Ready, set...START! emoticon
    2502 days ago
    I sure wish I knew the answer to why we do this to ourselves. I have done it several times and it leaves me baffled everytime. You have taken the first step and that is acknowledging the issue. That is a huge first step. Now, all you have to do is forgive yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself and start new again. You already have the tools and knowledge to start again so take that first step. This is not a failure and you are not a failure. You are awesome, beautiful, strong woman that has enjoyed alittle road time into some indulgence. emoticon Pick a starting point, start again, and rock it out like you know how! emoticon
    2503 days ago
  • SUSAN09131
    Nice to know it is not just me who does this. If I had the solution to fix all I'd share. But I don't.

    What has worked for me to maintain (not lose) weight was to avoid desserts, and have one day a week that I ate what I wanted. Exercise continued as always.

    My problem was when I decided to break that plan (contract with myself) and have more than one day "off." Then the games began.

    Celebrate one important fact: You KNOW you have to STOP and CHANGE course NOW. Maybe you need to go out and pick up one of those 50-pound bags of feed and have a good talk with it. :-)
    2503 days ago
  • CHAR1970
    The first step is acknowledging the problem, which you have done. Then being accountable for your actions, as seen by this blog. You chose to eat what you did, you can again choose to eat better.
    2503 days ago
    Hey there - I've not been doing a whole lot better myself, and believe me, my weigh-in post tomorrow is not going to be pretty either. I just wrote a blog about this very thing (self-sabotage, and why we do it). Perhaps it's the end of summer blues? I don't know, but I agree with everyone else - be kind, don't dwell, and move on emoticon
    2503 days ago
    I think you just didn't want me to be alone in my vacay gain so you went hog wild while I was gone in an attempt to keep up. LOL! Need I remind you how much sodium is in a single hotdog? You are probably like a giant sponge waiting for a good squeeze. Sure those calories are worth a few pounds, but I'd credit at least 5 for water. I don't know how much of my 8# cruise gain to account for as water retention so my plan is to not change my ticker until next weigh-in. That's a week to even out the water weight and see what the real damage is because I know I didn't eat an extra 28000 calories. Um, well I don't know how many calories I drank so let's just leave it at that and blame the water retention on those salted rims. So here's what we're going to do... hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. And eat clean. I left here with the intent to have a great time, let my body pretend it's normal and then hit the reset button when I got back. So we're in this together. A fresh start. With lots of agua. And fitness minutes! We're going to have to get a little sweaty to get ourselves back on the losing train. It'll happen!

    Don't look back. You've worked your hiney off. (Literally.) We are going to have vacations and binges that take us off course. But, we have to remember how we got here. We chose to make a change and live a healthy lifestyle. That doesn't mean we will be perfect every day or even every week. It means we know what we want to achieve, we're committed to our goals, we've learned how to get there and we have it within us to make it happen. Because we are total ROCKSTARS! So suck it up, buttercup and get your butt moving. Next week's weigh-in will see the scale groaning less when you step on.
    2503 days ago
    Step One: Forgiveness. You are human. Step Two: I am sending you a psychic aversion to hot dogs! (The only time I have really wanted hot dogs was when I was pregnant with #2...and I still wonder if that's why he's so scrawny, LOL.) Step Three: Start tomorrow fresh. For real. You are so awesome and having you as a Spark Friend helps me succeed, so you must be doing something right, eh? You are AWESOME!!!
    2503 days ago
    Oh, Michelle, I feel your pain! I have been doing the same thing since my trip to DC in June!! I had gotten to the halfway point of my goal (30 lbs--I had actually lost 33 total) and then--boom--I started giving in to my food temptations. If I would have just stopped at a day or two, it wouldn't have been so bad. But 3 days turned into 7, and 1 week turned into 2, and so on.

    I've gained about 12 pounds since my lowest weight...(of course my ticker said I only gained 10, but I knew the truth). It was really hard for me to actually post the gains each week. I mean, that would mean I failed, right? But you know what? That's life. Nobody is perfect and we all have ups and downs. So you gained 12 pounds...I bet several of those pounds are water weight and will come off the first week. I know for myself, I really buckled down starting this past Monday and I've lost 4 pounds in 5 days--today was weigh in day (could only admit to losing 2, though, because my ticker weight was not correct). But all it takes is stringing a few good days together and you'll get your momentum back!

    As I was floundering these past several weeks, you were one of the people that kept me going. Your words of encouragement really helped. So just know that you are an inspiration to many of us Sparkers and we have all seen your awesome accomplishments. I know you will be able to get right back to it...this is just a small bump in the road.

    Kudos to writing this blog...I didn't have the courage to do so as I was going through the same situation. I know you'll be making good choices starting today and that weight will come right off!!

    2503 days ago
  • TERESA159
    Dang girl, you had a hot dog/blizzard snarf fest! I like how you recognize the timing of your little trips off the wagon. They come when you hit a milestone. Perhaps they are your subconscious way of rewarding your body for a job well done. "Here, body, have some of that crap you used to always get and now never get because you are a good body and have done me proud." I do the exact same thing. And like you, I don't WANT to do it, I just do. I hit a milestone and that same day I always overeat. Can't help it. So don't knock yourself too hard. You have worked hard for NINE MONTHS! You have eaten healthy and exercised like a fiend to get where you are. A little slippage does not a failure make. You know what you need to do to get back in the show and I bet you start doing it again either today or maybe tomorrow. Relax. Take a deep breath. Start again.
    2503 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/12/2011 12:59:40 PM
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