I don't know what to call this one
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The past week has been eventful. Work has filled much of my days as always. I have been gone almost every weekend for the past month, and it showed around my house. I have been slowly working on getting it back in shape. It doesn't take long for laundry, dust, and dishes to pile up. My husband IS finally starting to see that I am much more pleasant when he helps me out, so he has been pitching in. It does make a difference.
I went out of town last weekend to visit family and to attend a baby shower for my friend. This type of event is fun, but it is very draining. I usually stay at my parent's house with my kids so we can visit. My father is a heavy drinker, and though most of the time he isn't mean, he is quite obnoxious. My dad knows I hate being around him when he is drinking, so he tries to at least make it half way through a weekend before he gets hammered. My brother is also living at my parents home. He is unemployed and he drinks as well. He has been there getting supported by them for 5 months. I know it isn't a Tahitian vacation, but it annoys me how they support his bad choices. He had left his old job and moved back home because he couldn't support himself any longer after his employer cut his hours. I am angry with him because he is sitting around getting high and not doing things to move forward in his life. At 33, he is bitter because he thinks all women want is money. He doesn't understand why women don't just like him for him. What he DOESN'T see is that a decent woman usually wants a man who will have a decent job and not get high.
I grew up in this house. Both parents doing some sort of substance. My mom's depression and anger at my father leaving her a bit unavailable emotionally to me. From a young age, I became strong and independent, as I knew my parents couldn't give me what I needed: support and guidance.
Now that I have my own daughter who is now 15, she has taken the calm quiet life I have given her for granted. She thinks it is glamorous to drink, party, fail school. I think her seeing my brother and father is a real life lesson for her. I want her to see where drinking and being irresponsible lead. It ain't to happiness.
So, the visit at home was ok. My mom has some mental illness, but she was actually pleasant. I think she is finally starting to understand that I won't come around or call if I get attitude or negativity. Life is too short for it. It isn't my fault she hates her life. I feel as though she blames me somehow.
I am sorry this is so jumpy.
My brother got drunk on Saturday night (big surprise), and tells me one of my lifelong friends is not the person I think her to be. Apparently they had slept together and started a relationship. During this same time, she was with at least one other person. In all honesty, I think my friend has bipolar disorder. She has to have male attention all the time. She honestly has about 300 self portraits she took of herself on Facebook. BUT the point is, I think she crossed a friendship line by sleeping with my brother while lying to him about her intentions with him. I know they are both adults, but it is disrespect to me and our years of friendship to treat my one and only sibling like this. It puts me in a position to have to take sides, and I have to side with family. I wish I could describe the story fully, but it would take 3 full blogs. I will just say that my friend is good at deceiving and manipulating to get things she wants. I never said anything in the past because 1. all involved were willing adults and 2. I didn't realize that she was lying to parties involved. If you are gonna date the world, be honest. Sadly, I may have lost a friend I have had since I was 13 years old over this. My friend doesn't know my brother told me this. I don't know how to approach this situation yet, and I haven't told her yet because she had a major surgery on Monday and is in terrible pain. She has sent me a Facebook message and a text, but I cannot respond yet. I care about her, I want to wish her a good recovery, but I need to let her know that I am not ok with her behavior and lying to people. I am angry that she has placed me in a position where I have to choose. I need to type up a message and just send it.....
OK...baby shower. My OTHER friend. Thankfully, she is normal. Well, as normal as I can seem to get in my life. MUCH better friend to me. Very kind. Party was great. She got a lot of gifts. I could tell she felt happy that so many people had come out to celebrate her upcoming birth. I was happy to be around joy and positive energy. It was good to see her.
On Sunday after the shower, I packed up the kids and headed home. It was so hot where my parents lived. It was 100 degrees with high humidity. Gallons of water could not prevent my hands and feet from swelling. It was so wonderful to get home to the 60 degree sea air that welcomed us back. Ahh.
Again, I apologize for the choppy, jumpy blog. I have locked away my feelings so tightly that when I let some out, they don't come out in a fluid way. It comes out like vomiting poison.