Come on baby light my fire!
Monday, August 08, 2011
What's been going on in London is pretty harrowing, but thankfully the Westminster and Met clowns have provided some light relief, aided and abetted by the multitude of white van men and women when the BCC shoved a mike in their faces.
Let's start from the Met's Acting Commissioner Tim Godwin calling on parents to rein in their children. Seriously? No, seriously? Should they do that before or after they get home wheeling a massive new colour TV, a fridge and a microwave on a trolley from the local Curry's?
Oh yes, please do, says Mr Godwin, because we will be using CCTV footage to identify the rioters and bring them to justice, and we will also make it public so Londoners can assist with identification. Would that be the same footage that is so grainy that a mother wouldn't recognise her sprog if it was waving at the camera? That's assuming the camera were working in the first place.
Let's move on to Theresa May. Actually, I almost wholly agree with what she said, except just seeing her sends me into a rage. Is it possible to almost completely agree with someone whose voice alone is enough to propel me into the arms of the Monster Raving Loony Party? She neatly sidestepped the reporter's question about maybe, just maybe, her own party's savage cuts being part of the background of civil unrest. Having said that, there isn't much "civil" about the riots and looting.
At least she did show up in London, unlike the Mayor and the PM being adamant they wouldn't spoil their holidays as the Police were doing a brilliant job (although they did eventually give in).
However, Ken Livingstone covered the cuts angle: "This is unacceptable but what are you going to do to give a generation of youth hope for the future?"
Put the man on the fourth plinth, I say!
(And Boris, why the heck wasn't it you on Newsnight discussing the riots in your city, instead of the previous Mayor? Oh, prolly 'cos you needed some peace and quiet to think up the next tax cut for your rich mates).
David Lammy (the MP for Tottenham), bless his heart, blamed thugs from out of the area. That's right. Brixton thugs travelled to Tottenham, while the ones from Tottenham moved up to Enfield, whose own thugs went miles South to Lewisham, seeing that their own had popped over to Peckham. At some point they all bumped into each other in Oxford Street.
And what's with the people who gladly will talk to anyone with a mike, tearful about their burned down homes and shops, saying how scared they are? People, with all I imagine you have to do, what with just having been made homeless and jobless, do you really need your 15 minutes of fame so badly that you put up with the inevitable moronic question: "how do you feel?"??
If you have this pressing need to speak and cry into a microphone, go get yourself a karaoke machine from your nearest Argos. They've had 24 hour opening for the past few days and I'm sure when they see your face in the CCTV footage they'll give you attenuating circumstances. (That doesn't apply to one of the shopkeepers near Mare Street who refused to close shop when advised to do so by the other shopkeepers, went home at 5 to look after her baby, who can be heard gurgling on the BBC interview recording, then called the BBC to get on the news. Lady, the world really was not dying to hear your baby gaga-ing in the background, cute as it may be to you, while you were saying how nothing had happened on your patch, either before or after you went home, nor how you'd heard nothing in the run up to it.)
But I think Paula Radcliffe nailed it: "In less than 1 year we welcome the world to London, and right now the world doesn't want to come".
It appears every cloud has a silver lining.
An afterthought: my personal plea to the looters.
Please, please, please. When you get dressed for the party, could you please ensure you wear some decent fitting trousers, or at least a tight belt? That'll spare us the sight of your dirty pants when you get carted off in cuffs.