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I saw a vision of myself yesterday and realised how far I have come along.

Saturday, August 06, 2011

When coming back from Cambridge yesterday, I saw a woman walking into my village. I felt sorry for her because obviously she had been walking a long time and had heavy grocery bags. The closer I looked, the more I realised that I recognised her. She looked exactly like me! But the me who used to exist 4+ years ago. She had the same brown mousy hair, scraped back in a ponytail. She had the same glasses. Same shape. Everything! I thought that the way she dresses and looked as though she was hiding away, and I identified with that. I hated being the fat girl and didn't want to be looked at or noticed. I wore baggy clothes to hide my shape, looking non-descript with the glasses boring hair and boring glasses.

And it made me think that part of losing weight and getting more comfortable in my skin, included taking care of my appearance. I'm not vain and wouldn't want to be considered as such, but I do take a lot pride in myself. I want to look good and will do things that make me feel good, such as not always having hair in a lazy ponytail but have it down, get it coloured and make it more interesting by having a fringe. I wear a lot more colour now whereas before I always wore black.

I like doing my nails sometimes and wearing makeup when going out. Before I would've hated to be noticed and even though I'm still a bit self-conscious, I'm getting better all the time.

Losing weight is not just about dropping the lbs. Half the battle with losing weight is psychological. I think that's why when I lost all my excess weight the first time round (4 stone = 56 lbs), I put it all back on because although I was getting smaller, in my mind I was still the fat girl, the fat friend, the girl no guy would be interested in. This time I'm trying to adjust my mindset as well as my eating habits and fitness. It's not easy but I'm slowly getting there.

Me in July and August, 2007

Me in July and August, 2011

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are looking fab-licious! Your blog really spoke to me because I am slowly working my way from that same place of not wanting to be noticed to being comfortable in my own skin. Thanks for sharing your own insight!
    2801 days ago
    2810 days ago
  • SPMOM2
    WOW, congrats.
    2815 days ago
    Your look good!!! I can so relate. Been there done that. Each time I moved the scale to the next -10 lbs I had to keep looking in the mirror so I would still see me in the mirror. Now it's not as scary anymore. But sometimes I still can't believe the size clothes I'm in. 8 month ago I was in size 20-22 now I'm in 12-14.Amazing. emoticon
    2816 days ago
    Looking great! emoticon
    2816 days ago
    Oh my! I liked this blog. Great reminders about the process and how far you've come.

    2816 days ago
    congrats on the long journey!
    2816 days ago
    What heart you have to feel such empathy and sympathy for the poor woman on the road.

    "Losing weight is not just about dropping the lbs. Half the battle with losing weight is psychological."

    Absolutely true. Great insights and great blog.
    2816 days ago
    The pics and the writing are so great. You are right about this process being about our mindset. I still have trouble sometimes remembering I'm not the "big" girl in the group.
    2816 days ago
  • DRPOOH63
    What a great blog. Thanks for sharing and reminding me to look at where I am today.
    2816 days ago
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