Saturday, August 06, 2011
It's been a rough month. Basement renos, weight gain (a lot), injuries upon injuries, a pet death (hedgehog)....I have a blog started about all that which will come up in a bit. I still have to write it out.
I needed to write about the censor. I got an email from a Spark coach today about my boudoir photo blog. I have to take down the 'bra and underwear' photos because someone reported them.
Ok, first of all I don't have a problem with this....rules are rules. Besides there are TONS of NON-bra and panties pics that I had taken that I can put up in their place...hehe PLUS my blog has been up for a few weeks now....long enough to get me a little attention, comments and new friends as a result of the popular post. The attention has died down....no one will really notice the changes now. Well, obviously someone just did.....who cares reporter, 'that blog is SO yesterday'. lol (ok, not yesterday in my world but definitely yesterday in Spark world....was it even 'today' in Spark world? lol).
The problem I have with the whole censor thing is this.....self esteem. I've blogged before about how self esteem is a big issue for me. My mother has very low self esteem which has carried forward to both of her daughters in big ways.....big life hindering ways. As I lost the weight I gained self esteem, slowly. It took 2 years to gain enough self esteem to get boudoir photos taken.....AND post them to the general public. Believe me, posting those pics was HARD. Showing them to friends was hard..... Convincing myself that they were good enough to be shown to people other than my wife was hard. It's a long process that is still a struggle every time they are popped out for someone new to see. The tug of war between self love and self-loathing is like a real war sometimes especially when faced with injuries, struggles, and lack of motivation.
And......I was asked to take them down.
Now I understand the rules, I really do. But if you knew the whole thought process and life trail that led to my blog post would you really be asking me to take them down?? I would hope not.
Besides I just stared at pictures of someone's arse in a bikini/thong type thing on here.....um, hello!! There are pics on here that make mine look incredibly tame. And I think of every brave before picture that is posted in that bikini or sports bra and if we are all not supposed to do that....rules are rules, gotta take them down......how do we step out? How do we face our fears? The safest environment there is is right here on this site....except don't step too far.....or you'll be pushed back....because you went TOO far. Wow.
So my relationship with the censor is conflicted. I'm off to bed for now and probably won't have time to fix the blog for a few days....but like I said, it's so yesterday.....get with the times reporters! I do enjoy the thought that what I wrote was popular enough to be censored...... It sure is a good thing they didn't see that pic I posted of the size 12 girl, or the pic of me in my sports bra.....those blogs are not just yesterday but prehistoric. Back to obscurity......