Feeling Defeated

Friday, August 05, 2011

Lately I have posted to message boards and blogged about how wonderfully happy I am to be having these near breakthrough moments with exercise, diet and emotional stability. Truth is, I am happy most of the time, but I'm struggling. My weight on SP says 210 because I DID reach that. Then suddenly my body decided to retain 8 pounds of water. Let me repeat that. **8 POUNDS!!!!**

I was told by my fitness fiend friends not to worry and to push it a little harder, eat right, drink tons of water and things would be normal in about a week. Well, they were right at first. I'd dropped almost 5lbs of that weight and thought I'd overcome it all. I've been working out every day for the last 5-6 days (not hours at a time, just a really hard 20 minutes, but that is more than I have in the past), I've eaten well despite a bad day here or there with friends, and I've drank more water than I thought was humanly possible. I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 217lbs. I have not weight 217 in probably two or three months. My heart broke.

I guess my logical side understands that I've hit some sort of plateau, that it's mostly water, but I feel defeated by my own body. I feel big, fat, hopeless. I will workout today because I know that giving up isn't going to solve anything, and I won't eat the sh!t that isn't good for me because I'll just feel worse. I don't know what to do. I've spent the last 15 minutes crying and I don't know how to get out of it.

I have never experienced this since the first week I started trying to lose weight in January of 2010. This feeling of my goal being an impossibility. I want to be under 200lbs, ideally 195 lbs by my birthday (October 4) and I just don't think it's possible at this point. That's a hard fact to accept.

Thanks for anybody who is reading this...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Ups and downs are so unpredictable and not always within our control. Good for you for pushing through even though you are discouraged. You will find your way through this hiccup as well. Look at how far you have come you did that!
    Someone at one point asked me what my sodium intake was, which can have a bloat effect perhaps this is something to look into. There is also TOM....
    You can do it!

    2508 days ago
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