I feel like I have to write today!!
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Well my dear spark people, this decision of getting started to a path of healthiness is a bit harder. I thought it would be easier. I am a very goal oriented person even if something is going to take me 24 hrs to do, I will do it and not sleep, but how is it that loosing weight is kicking my butt????. I am a woman of passion, I put effort at what I do and give it my all, but It has been a month and have only lost 6 lbs. I see the success of a lot of people and I feel like a failure. But the good thing is that deep inside I still have faith.
It is hard to understand how a body works and to know what needs to be done, but WHAT IS GOING ON?. I have a friend which I am in love with her she is just an angel (Caiti), she has been so kind and helpful in this process, but I seriously need to beat the battle of the weight. I was reading a book and read that they asked Oprah W., a very very very successful woman that what was the hardest thing that she has ever faced and she stated that out of everything she went through in life WEIGHT is her most difficult thing. That was shocking!!!!!!
So why is it that this is hard, even when one knows that we are successful people, we are professionals, mothers, wives, workers, motivators and friends. Yet weight is an ongoing battle. I feel that God is great, but what is it that results are so hard to get.
Yesterday I drove to a fabric store and got myself a measuring tape. When you are fat you do not care but when you start doing something for yourself, it matters. I later thought why did I do that and I will tell you why I felt that.
My husband is 5"10 and weight 235 lbs his BMI is like 20% Body fat (not a Skinny man, he should be 205lbs), I on the other hand 5'4 and 231 lbs and 40% body fat. So we took measurements and felt more devastated that ever, we are literally the same, he is only 10 more inches in the back. This disappointed me even more that one can ever imagine. So I cried the whole day and made me feel like is not worth it to try to loose weight. I call my mother and told her the measurement incident, and her reaction was unexpected, she happily said "Congratulations", on the other side of the phone my jaw dropped and I said
"mom are u crazy" and she stated " no, what I am is super happy, you are now OV's measurements, and I am proud of you" and I was so sad and crying, she heard it in my voice and replied back "Katherine, honey about a month ago you were 2x your husband's size and now you are the same, I am proud " and as little girls my mother and I started crying, I could not tell you if my tears were of happiness or anger, but I felt that they were more of anger than anything. I asked myself how did I get like this and when did I stopped loving myself so much?.
My dear spark people when it comes to confronting the truth, it can be harsh, yesterday was a bad day, but today is a much better one!!!!!!