Feeling defeated and ready to give up

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Today I had my appointment for my SIS (saline sonogram) to determine if I have polyps in my uterus. The appointment started out great! I dropped 4 pounds (10 total from my first appointment with them in April) from my last appointment in June so I was pretty pleased with myself for my progress especially after dragging myself back from my miscarriage which was no easy task. I apparently have a retroverted uterus. Who knew, first time anyone told me about it. At first he thought the polyp was gone, but then found one down lower. I was fairly happy because I thought I was on my way to finally getting some help getting pregnant. Boy was I wrong. The good news is that the polyps are generally benign and pretty easy to get out. The bad news, he won't do the surgery until I lose at least another 10 pounds and get my BMI to 39. His reasoning is because the anesthesia might cause risks and he could get in trouble for doing the surgery. Part of my problem is that I am not sure how tall I am exactly! I tell them 5'4"ish when they ask, but I was always closer to 5'5" and I know it isn't a huge difference but hey, it is something!

I realize that my weight is an issue. It has ALWAYS been an issue! But I am tired of feeling like I am finally making some headway in this infertility business and just end up with my hopes crushed and ready to just give it all up because no one will help me until I lose weight. Especially when I know people who weight much more then me and have absolutely no problem getting pregnant and are currently pregnant with baby #2! I HATE this! The Dr. said what usually happens is people lose the weight and some even end up getting pregnant or ovulating on there own. Awesome. Fantastic. That was me! I did get pregnant! Only I lost it 3 days after I found out. What else do you got because I'm tired of hearing the same old crap and having people blame it solely on the fact that I am fat and overweight. I know it isn't helping my situation, but damn, if I am/or am starting to do most of what needs to be done on my own, why can't I just get the little extra push that I might need to finally have all my dreams come true. Why is everyone so dead set against seeing past it and actually finding out the major cause of it. So if anyone is around VA Beach, VA and knows of a dr who would actually want to help people, please let me know, because I am ready to just throw in the towel and just give up my dream of ever being pregnant.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so sorry. You can definately lose the 10 lbs, though. My fertility doctor wanted me to lose 35lbs before trying for my first daughter. I was devastated and being an emotional eater, I wanted to eat even more. But I was able to lose the weight and I really think it helped me through the process. You CAN do this. Look at everything you have already been through. You are strong and determined. Those 10 lbs are as good as gone.

    {{{{{ Big Hugs }}}}}
    3293 days ago
    You want this so bad that it's hard to see that this request by your doctor is so small. You could lose 10 lbs pretty quickly and get back to the infertility issues. It's not going to be easy but it's doable. If you want this baby more than anything in the world than certainly you would do anything to make it happen. Get hard to work right now and get it done. You can do this. This is something you can accomplish if you are willing to do the work. Keep your baby goal in mind and push yourself.
    3293 days ago
    I'm so sorry you are feeling upset. It is a huge disappointment about the surgery, and painful loss of your budding pregnancy. If it were me I would look at it in a different way. I think I would say "this is a huge motivator to lose the weight, how can i do it most efficiently?" "How can I help make my dreams come true?" Giving up seems like the easy way out but I sense it is so important to you. Give yourself some time to accept what is, and I'm sure you will be making the commitment to make things happen. All the best.
    3294 days ago
    I am so sorry that your appointment went so poorly. That really sucks that your doctor is so unhelpful. I dont know anyone in Virginia since I like in South Dakota, but I would just call his office and ask for a referral. Is this guy a reproductive endocrinologist? Look online as well, there are doctor rating sites where patients rate their doctors, that might be a good way to find out what the patients actually think. Thinking of you, dont give up or give in, this is your dream find someone to help you achieve it, and at your first appointment be blunt. say something to the effect of I am working on my weight and if my weight is going to cause you to treat me differently than if you could please refer me to someone who will treat me. Often when doctors here those words they realize that youve been working on it and obviously been having some trouble.

    All the best! emoticon
    3294 days ago
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