Feeling defeated and ready to give up
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Today I had my appointment for my SIS (saline sonogram) to determine if I have polyps in my uterus. The appointment started out great! I dropped 4 pounds (10 total from my first appointment with them in April) from my last appointment in June so I was pretty pleased with myself for my progress especially after dragging myself back from my miscarriage which was no easy task. I apparently have a retroverted uterus. Who knew, first time anyone told me about it. At first he thought the polyp was gone, but then found one down lower. I was fairly happy because I thought I was on my way to finally getting some help getting pregnant. Boy was I wrong. The good news is that the polyps are generally benign and pretty easy to get out. The bad news, he won't do the surgery until I lose at least another 10 pounds and get my BMI to 39. His reasoning is because the anesthesia might cause risks and he could get in trouble for doing the surgery. Part of my problem is that I am not sure how tall I am exactly! I tell them 5'4"ish when they ask, but I was always closer to 5'5" and I know it isn't a huge difference but hey, it is something!
I realize that my weight is an issue. It has ALWAYS been an issue! But I am tired of feeling like I am finally making some headway in this infertility business and just end up with my hopes crushed and ready to just give it all up because no one will help me until I lose weight. Especially when I know people who weight much more then me and have absolutely no problem getting pregnant and are currently pregnant with baby #2! I HATE this! The Dr. said what usually happens is people lose the weight and some even end up getting pregnant or ovulating on there own. Awesome. Fantastic. That was me! I did get pregnant! Only I lost it 3 days after I found out. What else do you got because I'm tired of hearing the same old crap and having people blame it solely on the fact that I am fat and overweight. I know it isn't helping my situation, but damn, if I am/or am starting to do most of what needs to be done on my own, why can't I just get the little extra push that I might need to finally have all my dreams come true. Why is everyone so dead set against seeing past it and actually finding out the major cause of it. So if anyone is around VA Beach, VA and knows of a dr who would actually want to help people, please let me know, because I am ready to just throw in the towel and just give up my dream of ever being pregnant.