There but for the grace of God.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Last week I had a look at what turned out to be Amy Winehouse's last public appearance. What struck me is that she looked a lot better than she had in quite a while. She had gained back most of the weight she lost as a result of her drug addiction. I even thought she had a boob-job, until I had a good look at some of the pictures from before her downfall.
I looked like a walking skeleton for most of my twenties and thirties. In fact when I came back from the Intensive Care to go back to the 'normal' hospital ward, they had to weigh me on scales with a chair, because I couldn't stand up long enough. The scales read a whopping 90 pounds, while I am 5ft4. I was 30 years old at the time, and if it wasn't for antibiotics I never would have made it out of that Intensive Care alive.
This wasn't by far the only incident, where I could have died. I had my first (almost) overdose, when I was 23. It was the very first time I shot heroin, and I found out later that the dose I was given wasn't intended for me, but for the other girl in the room. It was also her needle they used on me and as a result I contracted the Hepatitis C virus. One in five clear the virus with out ever getting sick from it. I am that one in five.
When I was 31/32, somebody had given me some heavy duty morphine. The type of morphine they give to people when they have terminal cancer. Apparently the stuff was a bit stronger than I thought. When my roommates left the house I was barely breathing. They told the people at the methadone clinic about the state I was in when they left and as a result they decided to call an ambulance. When the ambulance came to my house I was quite conscious, though. They somehow managed to get through the front door with out me noticing and as a result I told them in no uncertain terms I didn't want them in my house. At least, that's what they tell me, because I can't remember a damn thing. The people from the ambulance thought: "Well, if she can scream her head off, her breathing must be okay", so they left.
I still have a photograph, taken about 6 months before I quit. I have it on another computer (at work), but I will add it, next time I'm there.