Because I Know You'll Understand
Monday, July 25, 2011
Today is my last day in the U.S., visiting my parents. It was much less stressful this time because I came with my husband. But there was one MAJOR stressor. I like to do clothes shopping here because it's more convenient and cheaper than back where I live. But so many clothes made me look fat. It was really depressing. I cried in the changing room.
In my head I'm still back 5 years ago when practically anything looked good on me.
What was the worst was 2 days ago when my mom asked me if I was pregnant. I've had a few people make comments recently indicating that I'm pregnant or congratulating me. Um... I'm not pregnant (well, at least as far as I know) So, they are rude, but I feel really self-conscious.
I'm at the very upper level of a healthy BMI for my height and I've been trying to lose a few pounds since I've been on SparkPeople (That's March 2010). Grrr.
When I joined I was struggling a LOT with compulsive overeating. Today I hardly do it at all. I haven't had a major binge in weeks. Maybe I just totally destroyed my metabolism during my past of anorexia and later binge eating. I was never as severe as a lot of other cases that I've seen however.
I've also done a lot of work on letting go and accepting myself the way I am. But it's pretty rough to look pregnant when you are not. My husband says that because I'm active, the fat doesn't collect on my legs. Instead I sort of get a gut like a man. Yay.
Well, I was sidelined for a few weeks with sciatica and now I'm getting back into shape. I'm doing ab and back exercises that the physiotherapist showed me, and I hope that the heat won't prevent me from staying active.
I really need the support from everyone here. I don't want to give up, and I want to enjoy clothes shopping again and feeling great!