Here I Go Again
Sunday, July 24, 2011
My dad died on March 26. Since then, I've gained 20 pounds back. I swear, grief made me hungry.
I'm not going to beat myself up. I've been doing a lot of thinking. I'm an emotional eater, and that's exactly what I've been doing. The shtuff hit the fan, and I reverted back to old habits.
I'm surprised at how fast the weight came back. That is humbling. The only thing to do is to start right back at it again.
I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of weeks about why my reaction to my dad's death was to let go of my healthy habits. I have been frustrated and worried for a long time that quite a few people I love are overweight and have health problems that could be helped if they took better care of themselves by eating better and exercising. I have been worried about something bad happening, and I was focusing my energy on taking care of myself so that I could set an example for others. And then my dad died, and it is suddenly clear that there is nothing I can do to change it or anything else that happens.
I'm still doing a lot of emotional eating, and I haven't been exercising. But at least I know what I need to do. And I've been doing a lot of thinking and working my way up to this. I'm ready.
This week, I am jumping back in with both feet. I have my exercise planned, and I am holding myself accountable for planning my food each night for the next day. It's going to be tough, but gaining more weight is not an option. There's no where to go but down from here.