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Feeling totally derailed.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Yesterday I binged. First binge I have had in over three months. I am still amazed that I was able to go that long, but I am so disappointed in myself because I was totally conscious of what I was doing while I ate and ate and ate. :( I was actually able to stop myself twice...but both times, something set me off again and I just ate again...This went off and on for nearly 24 hours.

Now that I have that out of the way, it's time to figure out why I did it, so that I can learn from it, and hopefully stop it from happening again anytime soon, since I am already struggling with myself today...

1) The other half has been working graveyard shifts...this has not been good for me. My own sleeping hours have been affected, and I am feeling really really lonely. I have not had any time for my relationship and have not spent much time with anyone else either, except my son (and he is totally summer vacation bored).

2) Cheese. Cheese is my enemy. I was doing really really well with it until a few weeks ago, I found some low fat pre-shredded cheese at my grocery store. Bad idea. Now, instead of being in my freezer and away from my craving eyes, it is right there, ready and waiting, every time I want cheese. Which is always! I HATE that I love cheese.

3) Chocolate. Similarly to cheese, somewhat of an issue. Chocolate in in no form should be in my house. Not that I shouldn't treat myself to it from time to time. But only in the single serving, once in a while sense, not in the buy a big bar of dark chocolate and make it last a while, or buy a box of chocolate pudding for this weeks snacks sense. C'mon...I know I know better than that!

4) Planning. I have stopped planning meals in the last couple of weeks. This is a really bad thing for me. I know that I have to plan. I have to do that for my health and I have to do it to survive financially. So why have I stopped? Hmm...laziness probably.

I know there is more to it...but I just can't face anymore today.

Here's hoping I stay on track.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    How are you doing since this incident? Everyone has good and bad choices and every so often we may slip, but you trying to work it out as to why and how this happened shows that you really are moving ahead and making new roads for new habits to form. So yes, you had a bad day, but it won't turn into bad weeks or months because you know that one bad day is just that and you can look forward to a healthy lifestyle.

    Wishing you tons of success!
    2485 days ago
    You were having success when you were planning and tracking. It felt good to loose the weight. I bet you had times when you were very proud of yourself for changing your eating habits and for the exercise.
    So why did you binge? We all do it. Sabotage. Mad that you have to work that hard at weight lose.? Mad that someone is not supportive? Scared of what your thin healthy future holds? Being thin and fit and knowledgeable about healthy living is not the inner person you identify with? Sabotage? Only you can know what's at the heart of that binge eating!

    I bet if you can take the time to think about what great accomplishments and progress you have made and remember why you want to do this- you can control the urge to binge eat.
    2495 days ago
  • MOM2FAT1
    2495 days ago
    Don't beat yourself up. You recognized and acknowledged a lot of what made you binge. Today is a new day. Wipe the slate clean and start over. 1 day of binging does not undo all the good you have done so far!! emoticon Maybe research some different exercise classes in your area... a great way to get in an exercise session AND meet new people! emoticon
    2495 days ago
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