Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I haven't really felt like sharing on here lately, because I feel like a failure. The past two or three weeks I've felt so defeated. Its been hot, so I don't go out for walks as much, which probably has caused my downward spiral into almost giving up on my healthy lifestyle. I've been unemployed for nearly ten months, which is the longest I've ever been without a job. Not only that, but I went from making the most money I ever had to no money whatsoever. I was receiving unemployment, but that ended in early April. I've always been proud to support myself, paying for what I needed myself. I've had to rely on help from my parents, which does come with the burden of owing them later and makes me feel like such a bum! Its not even that I have a problem finding job openings that I qualify for or not having the experience. I do! I am more than qualified from every job I've applied for! I just have so many "reject letters" I call them. Its so dishearening sending resumes, completing applications, and interviewing, while still getting no job out of my efforts. Now, I'm even receiving food stamps, which makes me feel even more low down. I've been having a hard time sleeping and, as a result, I sleep too late and then feel like I can't get anything done. Unless I go out to walk before 10 am, its too hot when I get up and then, I need to do some job search tasks during normal business hours, so I put off my workout. I've lost my drive and can't seem to find it! I gained all my weight back that I've lost, because I've been eating to feel better. I just need to work! I've decided to pursue writing freelance, which I used to want to do. Maybe I can at least get something published for pay to help me along until I am hired somewhere! I'm trying to get back on track exercising by dancing indoors and using my aerobic step. I'm just starting to feel like I don't deserve or can't afford to be healthy right now...I hope tomorrow will be better.