Today didn't start out a bad day. I got up tired, then weighed myself. Eeek. Up a pound. Calories in/calories out can't explain it. I averaged about 1500 calories a day in and 2700 calories out. I shake it off and continue my day.
Work, work, work.... Blah, blah, blah.
By the time I get home, I am feeling a bit like this....
I had let negativity RUIN my day.
Those demons had been silently whispering in my ear all day long.
You'll be fat forever.
You will NEVER achieve your goals.
Your life is so out of control.
No one cares about you.
I had gone home and lay down in my bed for about 20 minutes. I did NOT want to work out today. I was freaking tired, drained of energy, of motivation. The demons today were telling me my efforts weren't going to matter anyway, that I should just bake a pan of brownies and eat them all.
I read articles, message boards. Eat more, you are in starvation mode. Eat less, you are somehow underestimating your food intake. The demons got louder. I seriously probably looked like a crazy person. So I did what any dieting person struggling to maintain her sanity would do.......get as far away from the refrigerator as possible.
Outside I went. I put my ipod on, turned the volume WAY up (Yes, I know I will probably be deaf when I am older, but this was an emergency), and off I went.
While walking, I could still feel the negativity. I am thinking to myself about how lame it is to be walking right now, that I am too tired to be moving my wide load down the city streets without the orange flag.
When I had reached maximum walking speed and the relief did not come, I started to jog. Music blaring, I simply jogged. and jogged. and jogged. 1.5 miles. Something I had not done in YEARS without stopping.
At some point, I realized the inner demons had quieted down. I was red faced, breathing hard, and tired. I walked the last half mile home. I felt cleansed and very glad I went ahead and worked out when I felt so much like going to bed and putting the blankets over my head.
Today I had let a bad weigh in and some very negative energy drive me into such a state that things could have gone very bad. This blog could have been the sad tale of a woman who DID eat the pan of brownies. But today, I made a better choice. I am proud of today.