Exercising my demons

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Today didn't start out a bad day. I got up tired, then weighed myself. Eeek. Up a pound. Calories in/calories out can't explain it. I averaged about 1500 calories a day in and 2700 calories out. I shake it off and continue my day.

Work, work, work.... Blah, blah, blah.

By the time I get home, I am feeling a bit like this....

or this

I had let negativity RUIN my day.

Those demons had been silently whispering in my ear all day long.

You'll be fat forever.

You will NEVER achieve your goals.

Your life is so out of control.

No one cares about you.

I had gone home and lay down in my bed for about 20 minutes. I did NOT want to work out today. I was freaking tired, drained of energy, of motivation. The demons today were telling me my efforts weren't going to matter anyway, that I should just bake a pan of brownies and eat them all.

I read articles, message boards. Eat more, you are in starvation mode. Eat less, you are somehow underestimating your food intake. The demons got louder. I seriously probably looked like a crazy person. So I did what any dieting person struggling to maintain her sanity would do.......get as far away from the refrigerator as possible.

Outside I went. I put my ipod on, turned the volume WAY up (Yes, I know I will probably be deaf when I am older, but this was an emergency), and off I went.

While walking, I could still feel the negativity. I am thinking to myself about how lame it is to be walking right now, that I am too tired to be moving my wide load down the city streets without the orange flag.

When I had reached maximum walking speed and the relief did not come, I started to jog. Music blaring, I simply jogged. and jogged. and jogged. 1.5 miles. Something I had not done in YEARS without stopping.

At some point, I realized the inner demons had quieted down. I was red faced, breathing hard, and tired. I walked the last half mile home. I felt cleansed and very glad I went ahead and worked out when I felt so much like going to bed and putting the blankets over my head.

Today I had let a bad weigh in and some very negative energy drive me into such a state that things could have gone very bad. This blog could have been the sad tale of a woman who DID eat the pan of brownies. But today, I made a better choice. I am proud of today.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    True dat. My inner voice rarely tells me what a good job I am doing or how successful I am. Need to put in a new tape. Exercise helps me in the same way. It can drive them out and make me feel so good.
    2831 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    DONE GIRL, I proud of you as well. That pan of brownies won't change anything for the better.
    2832 days ago
    It's not only "okay" to be proud of yourself, it's the RIGHT THING TO DO!! What a great turnaround for a potentially disastrous day. emoticon
    2832 days ago
    Can I ever relate to those demons! We can SO be our worst enemy! Doubt ANYONE can bash me as well as *I* can! Sometimes I, too, find the best solution is to just grind those voices out through a good workout!


    ps...thx for the SparkGoodie!
    2833 days ago
    Very cool those demons can get to us all if we allow them too. Negative will always try to take over and you chose not to WTG HUGS
    2833 days ago
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