Moving Mom to a Care Facility
Monday, July 18, 2011
We are quickly approaching the time to move Mom to a care facility. She has been fighting Alzheimer's for about 4 years and is now quickly losing the battle. There is a new Memory Care facility in town that is wonderful. We've been a number of times in the last 6 months and are convinced this is the right place for her. Unfortunately, Mom has always been the one "in control" in the family and we are getting major resistance. Getting her to stop driving last year was a major drama, and we know this move is going to be worse. Of course, for 50 years she has told us she never wanted to be a burden to her family and to "put me in a home!" when the time comes. And yet... now the time is here and it is not looking good!
We took her for a physical (pre-move physical, unbeknownst to her). The doctor recommended taking her off the cognitive meds she has been on so she won't fight us quite as much (he knows her well!). She was actually receptive to a discussion with my brother last week about where she could live as she can no longer stay alone. (Don't get me wrong; someone is there off and on throughout the day.) We decided to take advantage and orchestrated "a ride to look at some apartments" at a care facility. We thought it was going well, but by the end she was mouthing "get me the *bleep* out of here" to my brother when nobody was watching. When we got in the car she was livid -- cursing and swearing and agitated while she kept slapping her purse on her lap. Quite combative, really, and we aren't convinced she wouldn't resort to violence if agitated further.
So even though she can't string a sentence together, doesn't know her age, birthdate, where she is or her kids' names, she is suddenly completely coherent when faced with the prospect of this move. The nurse at the facility recommended we get the doctor to assist with some calming meds, so we are trying that for a few days before we broach the topic again.
Has anyone had to go through this when there is such resistance? Our goal is to move her this Saturday, 7/23/11. What have other people done in these circumstances? I know we need to take her, but how do we PHYSICALLY get here there? We are a bit frightened for our own safety (hers as well) if she does get violent. Is it smart to alert an ambulance company in case she needs heavy sedation? Would like to hear if anyone else has had a similar experience.
By the way, I am convinced that it will be ME needing the sedatives before this is over with!