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…8 Months of Steps Backwards…today, 1 Step Forward…

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The journey of a thousand miles, or 70lbs…

A year ago, I was at 187lbs and I bought a fabulous dress in a size 8 in hopes of wearing it at my son’s high school graduation in June 2011. A month after buying the dress I was laid off…hey, extra time to really get fit right? Nope!

Today I posted the picture of my son and me at graduation, and corrected my weight information to try and get myself back on track. I have to live with that picture of me and my son, and I am so disappointed. It was a beautiful day, and I convinced myself I loved the new larger dress I ended up buying, but when I saw that photo, I just wanted to cry.

At one point after my divorce (2006), I was down to 170lbs (my heaviest while married that I know of was 245, could have been more). In 8 months I went from 187lbs to 210lbs (weighed this morning). I know I was actually heavier than that in the green dress picture.

So, after beating myself up for gaining the weight, putting myself in the position of having nothing to wear for a job interview should I get one, punishing myself by no longer dating and not going out with friends, I logged back into SparkPeople. I looked around, looked at all the time that had lapsed since I last logged in…and logged off. Sat on the couch some more, read another book (note: I stopped counting in December when I had read my 75th novel since my unemployment...no kidding).

I had broken all my rules from when I had first lost weight: tracking daily calories, not wearing elastic waist pants, stepping on the scale regularly, drinking water, getting regular exercise.

I was frustrated and miserable and kept telling everyone I was fine. One day I admitted most of this to my friend Candy, who has done amazing on SparkPeople. I told her how proud I was of her and I truly meant it. She reminded me I was the one who showed her SparkPeople, but I never really took to it like she did. She encouraged me to give it another try. I gave a lot of thought to what she said…read some more novels.

Finally I decided enough was enough when I realized that my athlete daughter is gaining weight and I’m supplying the food that is allowing it…leading her into my bad habits, and that I need to get us both out of it. She will exercise if I exercise. If she sees me putting on my walking shoes, she asks if she can join me. She eats what I prepare, and if I don’t buy processed foods and junk, she won’t eat it because it won’t be in the house. By helping myself I am helping my daughter, and that is my job as her mother. I had lost sight of that and became the parent who taught her child that food is a reward and that food can make you feel better.

I came back to SparkPeople and started all over again. Using the nutrition tracker, using the fitness tracker, but also this time using the whole site. A big step was reading blogs and really listening to everyone’s story. Learning that I am not unique, that so many people have a similar story and that I can recommit. There is no shame in saying I failed, if I am honestly willing to start over. That it is never too late to try again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You could have been writing my life story in this blog...

    I found your post through our mutual friend, Candy. I started in January 2011. I am divorced (2004 - I now call it "the awakening" lol). I just had a son graduate this June too. I wanted to be in "onederland" by his graduation- I didn't make it - but I was 40 pounds lighter. Someday I will be in onederland - but more importantly I am a much healthier me now.

    I have a 10 year old daughter who will follow my example. And she's a healthy size. But she struggles with body image issues already. I want to be the voice of reason in her teenage years (ha!) or least a good support as she watches her body change. I don't want her to go through my experience with weight.

    So, I'm doing this for my kids too. And for myself. I have added you as a friend (I hope that's ok) and hope you will add me as well. Let's support each other!

    WELCOME BACK! The only failure is the failure to try.

    ~Irish (aka The Incredible Shrinking Mom)

    **July Mantra - Plan to Work and Work your plan**
    2532 days ago
    You haven't failed if you're standing back up and trying again. And you are! I'm so proud of you!
    You ARE responsible for pointing me in the right (this) direction. You know I'll do anything I can to help you be successful again!
    emoticon emoticon
    2532 days ago
  • IDNAR1984
    Welcome back, you can do this!
    2532 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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