Tuesday, July 12, 2011

You asked if I was going to visit my brother in California and how he is doing.
First of all emoticonfor your emoticon They mean so much to me.

As you know my brother in California is ill. They found a mass on his pancreas. He said they said it was benign.
I asked how do they know it is benign.
He said only by doing a biopsy can they tell and it is a major surgery and I would have to be in the hospital 5 days so he didn't want to do it since he would have to leave his wife alone.
Then is wife was talking in the background and she is the one who wanted me to go out and told my brother to pay for me to go. He told her "well, we can afford to do that" so she thought he had sent the money for me to go.
One emoticon(night) I called at 8:30 their time and since she goes to emoticonat 8:00 he could talk.
He told me she has Alzheimer's and sometimes can be very nice and sometimes not so. I know what that is as my husband had the same thing for years before he died.
He told me he could not talk to me with her in the room as she would get angry if he told me as she thinks she is alright. He said he didn't want to put me through that and I realize it would be stressful for all three of us.
The funny thing is that I called one morning as I saw something on the internet about pancreatic cancer. She answered the phone as he was out. At first she did not know who I was and I said "I'm Henry's sister" Oh Irene are you here already she asked. I said no not yet. She said when are you coming? I said I don't know but just wanted to talk to Henry a minute to see how he is. Isn't it amazing she doesn't forget that. No doubt she thinks he sent the money and I'm just not going.
It breaks my emoticonto know I may never see him again in this life.
She is older than he by 9 years and is already 90. He has difficulty restraining her though as she wants to climb and do things she shouldn't do.
He has to cook and the only thing she can do is the laundry.
So for you who emoticonfor those who are emoticonthis is for you
and for those who are just interested this is for you.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PICKIE98
    my dad died, blissfully, after three long years of Alzheimer's,, I was so happy for him,, I keep all three of you in my prayers dear..
    3511 days ago
    I will pray for you every day, that you will search within yourself and do what you need to do.

    I can only say this: one of my step sisters got cancer of the tongue when she was in her early 50's. I did not go to visit her because I thought it would cost too much, or it would be too much of a bother for her to have me there-there are six of us sisters and three of them lived in one city. I was very far away and it would have been expensive and difficult to miss work.

    She did pass away when she was 54, and I hadn't gone to see her. This was a bad mistake on my part. I needed to go, talk over old times, and our childhood and say some things that now I can never say to her in person.

    Also, I could have given her a lot of love in those difficult times.

    I will pray for you and your family. emoticon
    3518 days ago
    I am so sorry you are all going through this sad time. I have lost 2 brothers already and I think of them often.
    God will give you the strength when you need it most.
    huds, Pat
    3520 days ago
    Dear Irene, My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs, Nadine
    3521 days ago
  • JUNEBUG150
    Irene, I was just thinking about you and saw this on your spark page. Praying for you, your brother and his wife. Praying that God gives you wisdom and peace. Hugs and Prayers, Melody
    3522 days ago
    Mine and Dori's prayers are with you
    God Bless you
    3522 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Coincidentally, I have a brother who lives in Las Vegas. He has not been well for some time. We do plan to go see him when our cruise ship docks in San Diego in October. Otherwise, I'm not sure how I could/would deal with him passing before then. He is only a year older than me.
    We live and we die, all of us at one time or another. God will take care of the circumstances. God Bless. emoticon Liz
    3523 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    emoticon I'm sure if he is 83, that they aren't going to do surgery for him, since he probably couldn't deal with it. The Pancreas is such a bad place to have cancer. But, since he's lived to 83, that has been a long life. I was reading the obit of a woman here in town today, who had battled cancer for 3 yrs & passed away. She was 42 & had 3 teenage children & a husband. Another one was of a 51 yo man who'd died suddenly yesterday while fishing with his teenage son. Apparently, he'd had a heart attack.
    3524 days ago
    Dear Irene,
    I am praying for you and your Dear Brother and his Dear Wife. If God wants you to make the trip He will work it out. If not I pray comfort and piece for you ... well I pray that regardless of making the trip or not. :)

    Hope you are doing well in the TX heat!

    Hugs to you my Friend!!
    3524 days ago
    You, your brother and his wife are in my thoughts and prayers. You do what you feel is right for you. Look to God for the answers...He will never let you down.
    Blessings and hugs,

    3524 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5645667
    Irene Dear I am so very sorry.
    I hope you can manage to go see him .. Would be nice to say goodbye and spend a little time with them both.. but of course that is entirely your choice know that I am thinking of you all with love .. hugs Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3524 days ago
    Thank all of you for your prayers and concern. God bless you.
    3524 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2854415
    Irene, that is very sad. It would break my heart, too. Many prayers for you, your brother, and his wife.
    3524 days ago
    I am sorry to hear this.
    I have lost two dear brothers so I know a little of what you are feeling.
    I guess under the circumstances I would try to keep in touch by phone if possible and cards too. This may be all you can do .At least
    he will know how much you care.
    Hugs, Pat

    3524 days ago
    This is such a difficult situation and more and more people are facing these decisions. Its hard to separate good wishes and what is safe for the people you love most. However, you are right when it becomes dangerous to your own health and welfare you need to do what is safe for everyone concerned. Keep you and your brother and his wife in prayer.
    3524 days ago
  • MOM4407BECKY
    Love you Irene. You and your family will be in my prayers.
    3525 days ago
    Hi Irene, My heart goes out to you with love and prayers.
    3525 days ago
    Thank you again for your prayers and your thoughts.
    My sis in law could be so nice one minute then be on our case the next. I know how the disease works.
    Another problem is that the airport where they live is small, the plane is small and you have to go down stairs from the plane to the ground which I wouldn't feel safe doing. He would have to go for me at another airport.
    3526 days ago
    My uncle passed away a few years ago and I know it was very hard for my Aunt. I am sorry that you have gone through that before and that your brother is going through that and being sick too. I am praying for you and your brother and his wife.

    3526 days ago
    What do you feel in your heart?
    Do you want to see your brother even for a day or two?
    Just wondering.

    I know God will lead you to the right answer.
    Prayers for your brother, his wife and for you my friend.
    This has got to make for a heavy heart.

    3526 days ago
    Thank you for the update Irene. I was going to ask and here you are.
    I would go visit, even if it was just a few days.
    It would give you a chance to see your brother and maybe allow him some free time.
    She must be looking forward to seeing you to keep asking if your coming.
    Such a nasty disease. I feel for you all.
    Hugs Y
    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8169274
    Irene I knew most of this as you have told me but it is sad for everyone. I will pray for them as well as for you. Sorry to hear you might not be able to visit your brother again. emoticon
    3526 days ago
    Irene, how sad for you and for your brother. Knowing the loving and caring person that you are, this has got to be so difficult for you. Prayers for you all. emoticon
    3526 days ago
    Yes, we do have facilities for care. My husband was in a nursing home for the last 3 years of his life.
    My brother's wife is very demanding. I did not take my husband until he got violent one night (so unlike him) and the police told me I could not bring him back home. He tried to escape all of the time. I did go to see him most days and fed him his supper the last few months.
    It is not easy to put someone in a n/h when they don't want to go and I feel for my brother. They have no children.
    Oh by the way he wanted to get someone in to care for her once when he had to be gone and she said she didn't need anyone.
    3526 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/12/2011 4:01:54 PM
    I'm so sorry Irene, it's a dreadful illness.
    You and your family are in my prayers. emoticon
    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5645667
    How very sad Irene, Could you not go ??
    Perhaps he can get a carer in to help .
    They must have some one who will be actually looking after your sister-in-law whilst your brother is in hospital .. or do they not have that facility there ??.
    What ever happen's ...
    My love and Thoughts are with you all ..
    Hugs Susie
    emoticon emoticon
    3526 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/12/2011 3:30:33 PM
    Irene, I wish you could see him since you understand about his wife.

    But, you are right, we will be together in heaven.

    Do you want to see him? If so just go do it.

    If not, then, just do what you are doing.

    Or maybe you have not even made up your mind yet.

    Love needs to be shared. Love and caring for one another should be shared and I know you have such a beautiful and caring and loving heart. I wish you would go see him.

    I love you Irene even though I have never met you in person.

    I know you will do what your heart is leading you to do.

    Life hands us such hard decisions that we have to make.

    Peace and love is the end result of our decisions that we have to make.

    Be and stay in and at peace and in love.

    emoticon emoticon
    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1951302

    Has your brother made arrangements in case he pre-deceases his wife? I have worked with Alzheimers patients, and their lives are difficult even with very good care.
    3526 days ago
    Thanks for the update. I'm so sorry that you won't be able to visit..........
    3526 days ago
    What a shame. I have no words that would ease your situation. Just know know my heart goes out to you and your family. My prayers are with you.

    God Bless
    3526 days ago
    I am so sorry your brother is going through this. It is difficult to have a loved one with Alzheimers. I have had a couple of family members who had this and it is heartbreaking. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    3526 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by DIDMIS