I Am Back....Again?!

Monday, July 11, 2011

I thought I was back before, but it seems I was just stopping by. I can't promise that it is any different now, except I want to start logging my food intake for a while again and this is the best place to do it.

I am not sure how much I am eating now but I am sure that it is more than before. Now, considering some of those days gone by, that is a good thing. And considering that I decided I was in maintenance I needed to up the calories a bit. BUT, I think I have gone past maintaining and into gaining. I was at 159 for a very long time. Now I fluctuate between 161 and 164. I am not totally unhappy with that but I feel like if I cannot get back to 159 it is a slip away from where I need to be, a slip away down a long and difficult gaining slide, a slip into failure.... again. So, to start I am going to log my food for a while... not making changes yet, just getting a sense of how bad I have gotten. Then I will know where I need to make changes.

Of course I already know some of the changes I need to make. I need to cut back on the "treats" I have begun to allow myself daily. Now and then is okay. I planned on enjoying myself and my eating and was willing to accept a slightly higher weight to do it. However, I am feeling a pinch out of control and that more than anything is what I need to get a handle on. Allowing a treat is one thing, not being able to stop myself is another thing entirely.

The other change I need is to get regular exercise back into my life. I exercise sporadically and none of it high intensity like my tread mill. I know that if I just got back into that exercise habit the food choices would not matter as much because I would be burning so many more calories. And it is the exercise I am having the biggest problem with.

I have always said that I would not do plastic surgery but I must confess that after I got used to this new body, and started enjoying new clothes I am beginning to think about a tummy tuck (a pannulectomy.) I have actually seen two plastic surgeons. One suggested the pannulectomy and the other a tummy tuck with a full upside down T cut. I don't want that much scarring though so if I decide to move forward it will be the pannulectomy involving the upper and lower flaps of skin. My insurance will not cover it though so I need to decide if I want to spend that much money on "vanity." There is a part of me that hates seeing that flap hanging over my size small pants and there is another part that says, hell, that is minor, remember what it USED to be?? I don't know. My husband says he will support whatever I decide to do as long as I don't turn into Phyllis Diller or Joan Rivers. I laugh but then I think about it... well, there are the flapping arms, the turkey wattle neck, it would be easy to want to fix everything. When does it stop? Will I be satisfied if the tummy flap is gone or will I just start looking at the arms, or neck or legs.
Oh well, this is quite a ramble. I needed to connect with Spark and cnnect with my thoughts about what I really want and where I want to go. Re-motivate and re-imagine!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Having lost a hundred pounds, I have prune-like skin in a few too many places. I plan to wait and see if this will make some self corrections . . . if not, then I guess I'll have more wrinkles than the Hallmark little ol' lady. I actually chill a little more quickly now, so when I wear a sweater to cover my sleeveless tops, I usually need the extra warmth. Now if only I can begin carrying a pack that includes a seat pillow . . . I do miss the extra cush on the touche. Will this seat pain ever go away?
    3451 days ago
  • FELICE73
    Insurance companies should automatically pay for plastics with anybody that had weight loss surgery. I am a firm believer in that! I don't have as much excess skin with the lap band but it is still there! Flappy arms, wrinkly upper thighs, empty boobs, just got to laugh it off or I will get depressed. BUT I can wear a good push up bra and shorts no shorter than bermudas! I do want plastic surgery someday but it probably won't happen - I can live with it since I have never been this thin in my life (not even high school)!! :)
    3477 days ago
    HI so good to see you again, i know what you mean about the treats....they go down so good and make you feel like your old self but wait! Howe familiar all that is to me too. As far as the body fixing i also know what that is like. My daughter laughs saying where is the prioritys in this house! You need a new fridge cause the shelves are going and the rack in the dishwasher is broke but you have a new rack on that body! My husband and I laugh because it is true we could have used that money for alot of other things we needed. I always tell him how do you like the new car(the one at the drs office that the dr drives cuz we are the ones making those payments). This was totally out of my character to have this done but so was gastric bypass. I guess Im just a work in progress.Maybe thats why I don't tell to many people what Ive had done, guilt and shame that I brought all this on myself. But nothin feels better than lookin in the mirror and seeing my arms they look so good. They were awful! Research your dr. you get what you pay for. Keep in touch...FrankenELL
    3482 days ago
  • DAWNO64
    Hey! Nice to see you again; good for you, coming back to monitor yourself. And as for that tummy - why shouldn't you? You went through a lot to get rid of the excess weight, so you should enjoy your new body. Besides, getting rid of that could take down that weight by a couple more pounds....
    3483 days ago
    My husband says that with the surgery I wanted a new body so that I should be able to fix it how I want. I am 4 1/2 months post op but I know that I will be getting a tummy tuck. It is my reward for having 4 kids....LOL I will never touch my face and if its up to me I will probably not have artificial boobs, but that may change once I reach my goal weight. All I know is that I want to be should also strive to be happy with your body. You will probably go down a size overnight if you have this done.
    3484 days ago
    Thanks for your kind words! I know what you mean when you feel like you might be slipping out of control. Sounds like you have the motivation to do it. At least now that we've lost our excess weight, the thought of losing 4-5 pounds doesn't seem so monumental. It's best we do it before we lose complete control. We have to train ourselves. I think I'm a slow learner. lol We can do it!!

    I've seen 2 plastic surgeons about my arms. I can live with the belly but my arms are H.O.R.R.I.B.E. I would get the tummy done too, but the arms bother me the most and I don't want to spend the extra money.

    3485 days ago
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