Feeling like complete crap

Monday, July 11, 2011

Haven't posted a blog in a while. Nothing exciting or positive to report so..whatever. Haven't lost any weight. I'm sure I've gained some since I last updated my ticker but I haven't gotten around to weighing myself. Maybe one of these days.. I went on "vacation" the other week to visit family (I use the word vacation very loosely but I'm not even going to go into that now) I have some new pics I'll upload at some point.

Honestly I've been so stressed and overwhelmed with countless things I can't even go into right now. The cherry on the cake was a week ago, the day I came home from "vacation" I had to put my 17 y/o cat to sleep. I can't believe the shape I found him in when I came home. Welcome home right? Horrible day. I've never had to make the decision to euthanize a pet. I feel guilty and horrible and depressed about it.

Now my other cat (my orange Tabby Oliver) who is basically the center of my universe, MAY have intestinal lymphoma. He used to be close to 20 lbs but he's lost a lot of weight and throws up several times a week and has chronic diarrhea. He's going in for an ultrasound tomorrow so figure out if it's possibly IBD, or worst case scenerio if it's intestinal lymphoma. Sounds naive, but I never even took into consideration that Oliver could ever even get sick. I've had him since he was 2 weeks old. Had to be bottle fed and all. And now he's almost 13 years old and seemed to be in great health, with the exception of these vomitting/diarrhea episodes. I thought maybe he had a parasite or maybe it was his food. Unforunately it's probably some kind of chronic condition. Hopefully not the big "C" but I'll have a better idea tomorrow. I wanted to postpone his ultrasound and try and get him insured before we proceed with testing and find out an official diagnosis, but since the vet saw him last week and took notes on his symptoms he wouldnt be approved. Great. I can't afford out of pocket expenses (so many have come up over the last few months I feel like I'm drowning) but I CAN'T not do anything for him. Sigh. One step at a time I guess right?

Basically I'm emotionally spent. I'm depleted and depressed and stressed and miserable in general. Not trying to be dramatic but my pets are like my children and when something happens to them I suffer right along with them. Someone please tell me I'm not the only person who turns into a total basket case when something happens to their pets?

Sorry for the gloomy blog, I try to avoid these, but I've been feeling rather gloomy and unhappy lately (not just with my cats but that's really put me over the edge). Hopefuly more cheerful sentiments will be to come in the near future.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm sorry about your kittens, my dear!
    2444 days ago
    emoticon my Sylvia is my and my husbands baby, I know exactly what you are talking about.
    2516 days ago
    No you are not the only one who gets sick to death about their pets. My cat died and I was a basket case. I never thought I would be so, so, so, sad. emoticon One day at a time, ok.
    2532 days ago
    You are definitely not the only one who flips when something's wrong with a pet. I'm so sorry to hear everything. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2537 days ago
  • ABBY_G
    Oh. So sorry about Oliver. I just read your update to your status.
    2538 days ago
    I feel for you, being that I have no children. My Patch was my world, everybody knew it. He had constipation one time and my prior boss without question let me off to take him to the vet (of um friendly laughed at me) only to be told to give him pumpkin pie filling. Needless to say he was fine within a few hours but it was day three and I was a concern new mother (my first pet of my own at age 29) that something was really wrong with my baby. So, I can't image your distress. You are not alone in your feelings for your pets. I will be praying for you and Oliver.
    2538 days ago
    I'm so sorry!
    I'm a cat person and totally get it.

    2538 days ago
    I feel the same way for my pets! I'm so sorry to hear about your 17 yr old cat. I hope Oliver is ok and gets better soon! emoticon
    2538 days ago
    Pets are absolutely family and it is heart breaking to see them suffer in any way! Pets have such a presence in your life and it is incredibly difficult to adjust when they are not around you any more. I hope things turn around for you and Oliver is okay! (My dog's name is Oliver too. My kids call him "LaLa") emoticon
    2539 days ago
  • HARLOW10
    You aren't the only one. A few years ago, I had to put my cat asleep after 19 years with her, and it was so hard. Last year, my dog, who was in ill health had to be put asleep, too. They are like family to me. I'm really sorry for your loss. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too, through all of this.
    2539 days ago
    Hang in there one thing an old boss used to say to me was "this too shall pass" and he was right at the time I was going through a divorce and my mother was dying of cancer. Be kind to yourself and seek the support of friends and family. emoticon
    2539 days ago
    emoticon I am so sorry you are going threw all of this. I do understand!
    2539 days ago
    Everyone needs to vent their problems and it sounds as if you have been having a terrible time. Things will get better and I am so sorry about both of your cats. I have dogs that are my other babies so I do know where you are coming from. I hope all goes well with Oliver and he isn't to bad and whatever he has is fixable. Lots of love to you when you are most in need of it. emoticon emoticon
    2539 days ago
    You're definitely not the only one to go crazy over your pets. Pets are definitely like having children. I personally would be heartbroken if I lost any of mine, let alone decide to put them down. Best wishes to you and your "children." You'll feel better with time.
    2539 days ago
    emoticon I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I'd encourage you to take some time out to exercise and maybe hit a farmer's market to get some fresh produce. Our bodies respond better to stressful situations when we are giving them the fuel that they need. Don't worry about the scale at this point. Take care of yourself and your kitty.
    2539 days ago
    I travel all the time for work and I see my family a few times a year, and obviously this keeps me from having pets these days. I was on the road as usual, having been away from my new apt for over a month. I was feeling homesick, and I managed to get off work for my first wedding anniversary. Well, the night before my big day, my mother called and told me they had to euthanize our dog (who I call Boo) that I've had since I was 12 (I'm 26 now) that night. I was training in a new girl at work and at the end of the night, and 10 minutes before we closed, my mom and sister called me and told me what was going on as my little Boo slipped away. I think I sobbed for 30 minutes and the new girl thought I was crazy. I trained Boo from when she was a puppy and she was a gift to me and my sister after our younger sister died. She represented so much to me, and it was a stark reminder of how long it's been and how much has happened since then. But it had to be done, because she was suffering. My mom put it off and she was in very bad shape at the end. You made the right choice.

    I'm sorry to tell you such a sad story but your post resonated with me. I feel your pain. I'm sorry for your loss; it is nothing to be trivialized. I wish you the best with your Oliver. emoticon
    2539 days ago
    Im so sorry to hear Oliver isnt feeling well. Its difficult to handel especially in the midst of loosing a loved one so recently. Im no stranger to long health battels with family pets and it is draining. No matter how much you do, you always think you could have done more. Its a parent thing - you said it yourself they are your childeren and I completely agree. Hopefully the prognosis will come back more positive than negative for Oliver. All your pets are/were lucky to have you as their mamma. If you need anyone to chat to just msg me. I swear its like I could have written this blog myself a few months back.

    Also 1 tip - you might want to ask your vet - depending on the prognsis - My cat was diagnosed with a Fatty Liver Disease I ended up finding a homeopathic treatment of Milk Thistel Drops. They helped generate new healthy liver cells and we were able to get past the disease. I could administer it myself in a little dropper - and it was a fraction of the price of medication/treatments from the vet.

    Wishing you and Oliver lots of luck! :)
    2539 days ago
    You are definitely not the only person who feels this way about your pets. It's incredible the amount of love we have for them.

    Dealing with sick pets is no fun, and you're going through it twice in a short period of time. Please be gentle with yourself.

    I'm a border-line crazy cat lady (currently have 4) and I've had to make some difficult decisions over the years. Give yourself lots of time to grieve, and don't feel silly about it. Our pets love us more unconditionally then any person could.
    2539 days ago
    My pets are my life so I completely understand. It is almost impossible to get a pet insured when they become sick/injured so just be forewarned. It's a lesson lived and that next time we get an animal we get insurance on he/she ASAP. A lot of vets do payment plans so look into it as well as CareCredit, a credit card for pet emergencies. You're in my thoughts....

    2539 days ago
    emoticon No, you are not the only one. I can't have pets where I currently live, but I am a huge animal lover and I would feel the same. I'm sorry to hear and I hope everything ends up ok with Oliver. Do not feel guilty about your other cat, you made the right decision and you are a good mommy who chose the best option possible for a cat who was suffering and in pain. You gave him a very good life, I know it. I hope you feel better soon, and can get yourself back on track.
    2539 days ago
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat and that Tabby Oliver may be sick as well. I hope and pray he has something easy to fix wrong with him. I had my Missy from when she was two weeks old too. We did the bottle feedings and she used to sleep curled up against my neck. She lived 22 years. I hope Tabby Oliver does the same, even surpassing Missy's age. It's hard to let them go, they are our children. Missy died in 2008 (June 25th) and it still makes me cry.

    So, no, you're not the only one who feels this way. There are those of us who totally get it and understand.

    2539 days ago
  • WISCHY30
    No, you're not the only one. I have three dogs & seven (yes seven) cats & they're my kids. I'm so sorry about your kittys.
    2539 days ago
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