When you feel broken, find your strength in picking up the pieces.

Friday, July 08, 2011

I felt pretty broken on Wednesday. I went to gi class and just had such a miserable time rolling and doing the drills. I was working with my husband and was told to pass his guard from standing position. My mind literally went blank and I couldn't do it, even though I've been learning guard passes since I came back to training. Basically I tried a few times and couldn't do it and started crying. I hate days that I cry in class. I've done it about 3 times since I've been back. I blame it on leftover pregnancy hormones since before that I didn't cry so often. I felt so crappy I thought about quitting.
Then I remembered that my mom wants to fly us out to Hawai'i this December to celebrate Sunny's first birthday back home. I do NOT want to go home looking and feeling like a weak slob. I want to go home and be the strong Mama Jits that I know in my heart of hearts is still here, locked inside me somewhere. So I sucked it up, wiped away the tears, and kept rolling. I still felt crappy but I wasn't going to let an emotion stop me.

Thursday I went to no gi class. I did better, even though I got my nose smacked and it stung and made my eyes tear up. Then another guy I was rolling with decided he had to be Mr. Muscle when he rolled with me and was going WAY too hard but I didn't say anything, just kept trying to work a submission. t Afterwards hat guy told me if I were any stronger he wouldn't have been able to defend as well as he was.

I guess my point is that I understand we sometimes hit a wall and want to quit. But when you are lying in a heap in the dirt at the bottom of a hill, the only real way to keep going is to pick yourself up and climb that damned hill.
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  • SAGE150
    Have you seen a doctor regarding your postpartum hormones? Maybe you have postpartum depression? I'm glad you didn't quit your GI training. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You're getting stronger every day even if your hormones prevent you from seeing it.

    Cultural Fusion!
    3479 days ago
  • BIGDAD1211
    Those days come to us sometimes much too often, but it is those same rough spots that make us stronger! You did go by not giving up! I know you can do it my dear!!
    Keep the faith!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3480 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7093012
    I congratulate you for picking yourself up and climbing that wall. That took a lot of courage and guts when we at times, want to throw in the towel. It is one step at a time and one small victory at a time. YOU CAN DO THIS!
    3480 days ago
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