How I feel this month.

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Yesterday was the last day of the BLC. This was my first round and I have to say that I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed having a team to talk to and share with. I am going to miss that for the next 2 months. I also enjoyed the challenges.

We are going through a rough time at work. I work at Cisco which is a huge networking hardware company. Because of the recession, our profits are not as high as they should be, so a month ago, the company offered early retirement to all employees over age 50 with 10 or more years at the company. In my group of 14 writers, 5 are leaving. My boss was not eligible (she missed it by a month) and it seems almost all of the people she has worked with for the past 15 years are leaving. She is having a rough time of it and it is rubbing off. The company also announced there will be layoffs at the end of July. My boss has said I don't need to worry and that I should be OK -- unless our whole department goes. Everything is up in the air right now. Programs are on hold. Tomorrow is the last day for the early retirees so this week has been a bunch of sad goodbye parties.

So yesterday I didn't bring lunch to work like normal. Turns out there was a potluck so I went and ate four 2-bite brownies and 2 chocolate chip cookies. Sooo yummy. It was after BLC weigh in, so why not? I was craving them and they were so good. I had to leave because I just kept eating them. (I also had a bunch of raw fruits and veggies.)

That was pretty bad but I was getting over the guilt, when another party rolled around. They had Jamba Juice (yum!) and more cookies and brownies. There were also tables and tables and tables of Asian food, Indian food, and pizza, but I stayed away -- and went straight for more cookies and brownies.

I felt so guilty after that, I went home and did Jillian Michaels. I am on day 2 of level 2 and even though it's only 25 minutes, it was soooooo hard. For starters, it was 90 degrees (no AC) and did I mention the thousands of brownies and cookies I had? Still, I managed to do it, plus some indoor walking. I wasn't even hungry for dinner, so didn't eat anything.

I have been on a mini plateau for a few weeks. I've been exercising like crazy and generally eating OK but haven't lost anything. Well, this morning I stepped on the scale and I am down 2 pounds from yesterday, which was 1 pound from my plateau, for a total of 3 pounds lost in 2 days -- or 3 weeks, whichever way you look at it.

Brownies and cookies = weight loss? Now THAT's a diet I could stick with LOL!!!!

Three weeks from today I will be going to Las Vegas for my sister's bachelorette party. There will be 15 women and most of them are younger than me and cuter and skinnier than me. We will be having a big pool party and going clubbing. I am not looking forward to this. I have lost 35 pounds since January so I'm thinner but still not nearly as thin as all the others. And then on Sept. 5, my sister is getting married in New York City in a very high fashion, fancy, expensive wedding. She works in the entertainment industry as a makeup artist and knows tons of celebrities and all her friends are thin fashion model types and famous celebrities. I'm not looking forward to this either. I guess that my job as a bridesmaid is to make the bride look beautiful and as the fatter older sister with no fashion sense, I should be able to do that.

Even my other sister, who has always been about my size, well always about 15 pounds less than me, went on a diet. She has ALSO lost 35 pounds, which means she is still 15 pounds skinnier than me. She came to visit last week and brought me all her old clothes. I was hoping for once in my life to not feel like the fatty. I have been feeling pretty self confident these past few weeks after my 35 pound loss. Tons of people have been commenting on my weight loss and I am buying new clothes. But then my sister shows up and all my confidence went out the window.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey I love your page ! "Exercise, the poor man's plastic surgery" LOL
    3398 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/11/2011 10:38:20 AM
    You have been doing this journey for you and need to keep it that way! Don't let a visit with your sister throw you for a loop. You have worked far too hard for that. Keep on going, changing what needs to be changed for you.
    3401 days ago
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    You are beautiful! Congrats on your weight loss!
    Keep on keeping on and in the hard moments of {gee - really?! I did all of that and I never catch up!) take a deep breath and KNOW deep inside that you are doing GREAT things for yourself and your body!

    Keep on keeping on!

    Ill take that brownie and cookie diet too please!? and lose 2 lbs!
    3401 days ago
    You are emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You are beautiful in GOD'S eyes. Its what is on the inside not the out side. Being healthy is the main thing, You are beautiful.
    3402 days ago
    Julie~ stick with it! Keep coming into the Forest and logging your weight and exercise! It helps to get your thoughts out every day.
    You and your sister did a great job with exercise while she was visiting! Now pour it on and knock her socks off when she sees you in 3 weeks! Keep up the strength, that really whittles down the inches!

    You are beautiful and have done an amazing job so far! emoticon

    (btw, those sweets may show up on your scale in a day or 2, but don't let it get you down, show them who's boss!) emoticon
    3402 days ago
    Hey don't get down on yourself you are doing an awesome job and you look AMAZING! Just because someone weighs less than you does not equate to them being more attractive than you.

    Also I worked for Cisco but quit last October. They bought the company I worked for Tidal Software the year before. I didn't like all the changes they made and kind of saw the writing on the wall so after one of my best friends there left two more of us left. Another one of my former coworkers is being forced out in the early retirement program as well. This is supposed to be one of the best companies to work for. If this is the best I sure hate to see the worst. So I know first hand of that stress.

    Just take things a day at a time. You are absolutely beautiful and you should feel that way. You and your ton of fitness minutes has been an inspiration to me and thanks for that. I know we all have rough days but I hope it gets better for you and you start to come back and realize what all your other spark friends know that you are AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    an> emoticon
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    3402 days ago
    You are awesome! Remember that! Think of what you have accomplished! You are doing the best for you! Believe me, I know it's hard. I've spent a lifetime being the "token fat girl" and I've lost 70 lbs and am still bigger than all of my friends. You are beautiful and thinner and happier because you are doing it on your terms and on your timeline and it will feel good.

    I'm sorry you're having a rough day! I hope it gets better.


    an you market the cookie, brownie, red wine diet? That's something I could TOTALLY get behind!

    3402 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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