For Women Only (Shhhhh!) - July 6, 2011
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Subtitle: The Power Of Belief
OK, women, gather 'round. Let's sit down in a circle and once and for all let's figure this out. Grab a cup of coffee from the back. The urn's still hot. We have some serious work to do here today.
I have noticed, especially lately from blogs I have read, that women, as they approach their goal weight (within a few pounds of where they want to be) are starting to absolutely freak out. For the first time (or maybe the first time in a very long time), in stunning disbelief, they are succeeding where previously they have woefully failed. And the question then becomes, "OMG! Now what?" No, this is not me (not yet anyway). Though I've been there before (sadly).
Realizing this goal, so hard to attain, is now within reach. And many seem not to be able to handle it. Which only confirms for me what a friend said years ago: "Women have no fear of failure. They do have a fear of success." Now, why is that? I asked my brother-in-law some years ago, that when he shaves that small patch of his face in the morning (he's got a full beard), if he ever questions the tasks he has set out for the day with his clients. He looked at me and said (without hesitation, I might add), "No, never."
So I have to ask, why is there so much internal dialog for us women of "Can I? Can't I?" And this is a general statement, not just about weight loss. Men, it seems to me, have this situation about success, for the most part, figured out. Is it nailed to their Y chromosome, and are we forever doomed because we have a pair of X's? I have to believe that the answer is a resounding "NO!"
This whole journey that we all are on (now here's the real secret) has so little to do with actual weight loss. (What?) Think about it: As we are starting to get better (with the help of our friends here), there is a definite spill over effect into other areas of our lives. As we succeed, we start to look around and see what else needs fixing. We start to feel more confident, more "Yes, I can! - ish".
Success breeds success. Of course, it's not a straight and narrow path. There is so much internal "noise". Many on here have written tons of blogs about this internal dialogue. And many, sadly, coming from the distaff set.
So, now what?
The power of belief is a very strong one. We really have to dig deep (very deep). There have been years (decades?) of self-destruction going on here. I cry when I see women who are otherwise very accomplished by society's standards (whatever the heck that means) in other areas of their lives: Successful moms, supportive spouses, great coworkers. Is there no stuff left over for "self"? And why not? When women fail, they are there front and center to tell the world all their sins. When they succeed, less so. And the self-flagellation is downright brutal and very painful to read. Obviously, they are doing SOMETHING right or how did they get the support of loving spouses and friends in the first place?
Why can't we just BELIEVE until it gets attached to our double X's? Why must we live in fear of actually succeeding? We all, every single one of us, want this so badly. For all the right reasons. As well as other good reasons (who says vanity is a bad reason?).
What will it TAKE for us to feel self-worth? Ten pounds lost? Fifteen pounds? One hundred? And once there, is our fat former self still along for the ride?
WORTHINESS (OK, OK, I'm a little preachy), is the key to this whole shebang. Once we figure that part out, the rest will follow. It's the key to the kingdom. It's not about the weight. It's not about 100 pounds to go. It's about who we are as people.
Let's start with self-love. Let's get there together. Let's make this happen. And if we need to meet in this room regularly, well, there's plenty of coffee to go around. We don't want this to be a lifetime struggle. We want this to be one chapter.
We have other goals to conquer.
So, are you in, or out?