I went to my doctors appointment today to get my staples removed from surgery and to get the results of the biopsy of the tumor. I was lead to believe that I was dealing with ovarian cancer that I was in stage one and that I would be needing a light treatment of chemo. Well that didnt happen I could tell by the look on my doctors face there was something wrong. She told me that it wasnt ovarian cancer as she thought that it turned out to be endometrial cancer and that I am in stage 3a and wants me to start chemotherapy.
I have to tell you the truth I just sat there, like a deer in the headlights I couldnt believe what she was telling me everything after that it was like she was talking in a foreign language I heard nothing understood nothing. Then the tears came it was like someone hit me in the stomach. She was going on about how she wants me to try clincial trials a type of research study.
She goes on to say today most women with endometrial cancer whose cancer has spread outside the uterus generally receive chemotherapy. Women who have disease outside the uterus may also receive radiation to the areas where the disease has spread. It is not clear whether giving chemotherapy alone or together with radiation is the best treatment. This study is being conducted to determine if radiation therapy combined with chemotherapy administered for a total of 4 cycles offers a benefit over chemotherapy alone administered over 6 cycles.
So Im left with a decision to make do I go for this clinical trail and let them do there research on me or do I just get the standard chemotherapy done??? Questions one after another on top of dealing with what she just told me, what do I do? I said to myself do as you have always done go to Jesus.
This takes me to a sermon that I heard on the Gethsemane Prayer in
"Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray"
In this prayer Jesus is very lonely betrayed abandoned denied facing death suffering hurting and it was the most painful moment in Jesus life. He knew the wrath of God was going to be placed upon him. What does he do here he asks his friends to intercede for him as he goes and talks to the Father.
What do you do when your life gets dark and faced with trials and storms in your life? Do you run to him to talk to him?
Jesus is devasted and sad here and its ok to be devasted and sad about what you are going through but his greatest longing for us is that we go to the Father when the doctor says you have cancer or that your spouse is leaving dont pretend here go to the Father just like Jesus and talk it out with him..Pray like Jesus
I love the brutal honesty of the scriptures. God becomes a man and he goes where we go and he goes to a depth of sorrow that few of us will ever taste. What does he say he says "Not as I will but as you will" So what am I going to do? Im going to the Father and tell him how Im feeling, tell him what my desires are and then say "Not my will but as you will"
Prayer is about aligning our will with Gods will its about coming to agree with God. Its not me coming to God telling him what to do its me excepting what God has called me to do, its not me changing God its about God changing me. Its about me developing a willingness to except that God is both sovereign and good. God is in control and he is good when you pray for the Fathers will you are in faith saying:
"You are in charge not I and you are good even if it doesnt feel like it and even if I dont see it."
We dont see all that God is doing the bible asks us "Who knows the mind of the Lord" God is expecting no one to raise there hand because we dont know. So in your prayer time and in mine I will always say even now "Father your will be done".
Jesus First www.youtube.com/watch?v=