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The Woman Within Me...

Saturday, July 02, 2011

There is a secret buried deep within the crevices of my being. Many years ago, I built a sheltering wall around me. Food was my "tool of comfort" and any time I experienced negativity, frustration, rejection, abuse or sadness ~ I slipped deeper and further beneath another layer.

Years passed by and those "walls of protection" were also keeping me from the things I desired the most.

The year that my best girl-friend and grandmother died, was when I slipped into deep depression. I didn't really care if I lived or died...life moved on around me at lightening speed and I stood still and motionless.

My doctor enrolled me into group therapy and for 10 months I hid in the shadows, not really contributing to the group. Then one night, a young man shared how he had just lost his best friend. With tears streaming down my face, I stood up, crossed the room and put my arms around him ~ hugging him as he wept on my shoulder.

It was a turning point, I slowly began to break down that sturdy fort I had built around me. In talking about my past, I was slowly starting to find that woman buried deep within.

Thirty years have passed by and that woman hasn't fully emerged to the surface. But I'm gradually starting to see the light of day break through the crevices of my armor.

Many months have gone by since joining Spark People. But one of the biggest accomplishments I've made on this journey was admitting that I am an emotional over-eater!

It's another baby step forward, towards my healing process as I have started to FEEL my emotions, instead of eating through them.

While challenging myself to improve my life, I'm learning to appreciate, trust and use my intuition. I am heading down the path of my healthy journey ~ one hurdle at a time.

"And out of the gentle wrapping of that which lived within the cocoon, came the very magnificence of the butterfly. The transformation was slow, sometimes filled with painstaking moments. But the growth, the beauty and the glory of the shedding of that which bound her tight was worth the one moment...when she burst forth into the world." ~Cougar Wisdom

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  • SAMI199
    I have tears in my eyes-I am so happy that you have found the "Woman Within"-she deserves to be free!

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    2815 days ago
    I can only imagine the courage that writing such a candid and open blog must have taken.

    You've taken some of the most difficult steps in becoming a healthier person. This is one of those things where healing from the inside out makes an enormous and dynamic difference in one's life.

    Be very proud of yourself for the progress that you have made, and please know that there is light at the end of the tunnel you are walking along; and of course, that you are never alone on that journey.
    2816 days ago
    Oh Annie my friend this is a wonderful blog and a testament to your determination and inner strength. I have already seen so many changes since I met you here, your colors bursting forth in little ways. I think if you went back two or three years here (how long have we been here? lol) and looked at older blogs you would also be amazed and happy about the progress! You amaze me all the time! emoticon
    2816 days ago
    I love this blog. You are an amazing woman...don't ever doubt that. I never really thought of it that way before...about there being another woman inside wanting to get out and live the life I've deprived her of for so many years. Thank you for making me think about that.


    2817 days ago
  • BANAN2
    What a beautiful blog. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably with us. I have been an emotional eater since childhood, and I find that I will react that way to positive as well as negative feelings. Anything that feels strong, i have an impulse to quickly numb before I have the chance to really experience more than the first hint. How do you just sit with emotion without trying to escape? Do you have any things that have helped you learn to do that? I would appreciate any advice you could give. Keep up the brave journey.
    2817 days ago
  • _KATHY
    Very touching blog Annie. We do make our own prisons when we choose to remove ourselves from the life that hurts. Then, with much hard work, as we learn to live in the hurt and understand it, the prison walls come down. We begin to have day passes :). then more and more, we live in that world. Enjoying that world and dealing with the crap that may have once caused us to retreat. I'm still working on day passes myself. But I like what I see outside those walls and I want more. I know you do as well. This is just my silly thought process of the moment LOL But the bottom line, I think, is to be good to ourselves and live our lives in the most positive way we can, each and every day.
    2817 days ago
    Annie - congratulations on another step forward. I hope you continue to retain the fortitude of taking those steps even when some of them are difficult because it gets you ultimately to your end goal.
    2817 days ago
    I am so happy for you that you are discovering the woman within. I can't wait to get to know her. emoticon
    2817 days ago
    What a wonderful story you have to tell! Thank you for sharing! You have come a long way! Keep up the good work! I love you bears on your background. They are beautiful!
    Hugs Ellen
    2817 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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