The Woman Within Me...
Saturday, July 02, 2011
There is a secret buried deep within the crevices of my being. Many years ago, I built a sheltering wall around me. Food was my "tool of comfort" and any time I experienced negativity, frustration, rejection, abuse or sadness ~ I slipped deeper and further beneath another layer.
Years passed by and those "walls of protection" were also keeping me from the things I desired the most.
The year that my best girl-friend and grandmother died, was when I slipped into deep depression. I didn't really care if I lived or died...life moved on around me at lightening speed and I stood still and motionless.
My doctor enrolled me into group therapy and for 10 months I hid in the shadows, not really contributing to the group. Then one night, a young man shared how he had just lost his best friend. With tears streaming down my face, I stood up, crossed the room and put my arms around him ~ hugging him as he wept on my shoulder.
It was a turning point, I slowly began to break down that sturdy fort I had built around me. In talking about my past, I was slowly starting to find that woman buried deep within.
Thirty years have passed by and that woman hasn't fully emerged to the surface. But I'm gradually starting to see the light of day break through the crevices of my armor.
Many months have gone by since joining Spark People. But one of the biggest accomplishments I've made on this journey was admitting that I am an emotional over-eater!
It's another baby step forward, towards my healing process as I have started to FEEL my emotions, instead of eating through them.
While challenging myself to improve my life, I'm learning to appreciate, trust and use my intuition. I am heading down the path of my healthy journey ~ one hurdle at a time.
"And out of the gentle wrapping of that which lived within the cocoon, came the very magnificence of the butterfly. The transformation was slow, sometimes filled with painstaking moments. But the growth, the beauty and the glory of the shedding of that which bound her tight was worth the one moment...when she burst forth into the world." ~Cougar Wisdom