I Am Free!!!
Friday, July 01, 2011
I am Free! I will not be a parody. I will show you what I will not be a parody of. This is from my "the Onion" daily calendar.
Women Upset At Herself For Feeling Hungry
Modesto, CA - Telling friends that she "just ate a huge thing of yogurt four hours ago," local woman Vanessa Stroud chided herself Tuesday for feeling hunger, a natural urge experienced by all living creatures to ensure they consume the sustenance necessary to maintain metabolic processes and other vial biological functions. "God, I have no willpower at all," Stroud said regarding her inability to go without nourishment of any kind until the start of bikini season. "It's just my stupid brain telling me I need to eat when what I really need is another three-day cleanse." Stroud was later seen swatting her own hand as it reached out for a blueberry muffin.
I am free from this. I will not be this. I will eat healthfully. I will obtain my bikini hot without crash dieting, without cleansing, without starving myself. I have declared my independence from this way of thinking and the guilt that comes from it. I am free to be a beautiful women, bikini hot and sexy.
I am also declaring my independence from this extra weight. You might think that you have rights in this land, but you have none. You will be banished like a red coat, chased away by my independent spirit. I will fight you and I will win. My land, My body. Get out.