Searching for the root of the problem ...

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Okay so I've been gone for a while. It's been really frustrating. I recently started taking slimquick pills which was a warning to me that I had gone off the deep end. I only took it for a week and now that I started a new job I have decided not take them any more. Diet pills aren't for me anyways. I'm against them and I only started again because I had gotten desperate and my mom is a really bad influence on me.

I've been overeating more often and binging too. I have been binging since I was 13 years old but for the first time it had stopped when I was seeing a nutritionist about a year and a half ago and was working on Intuitive Eating. Some how the binging decreased majorly. However, I stopped seeing my nutritionist and I went back to my old ways and now the binging is back with a vengance.

I'm also working with 5th graders at a summer camp. They come from rough neighborhoods and have major attitudes so I come home stressed out and all I want to do is stuff my face to numb the feelings.

I've talked about this with my therapist and we got farther in my last sessions in terms of how far back my issues with food go and how I deal with stress. It goes as far as me being 9 yrs old.

Anyways, I'm not at a place where I can come and write about the healthy meals I am eating or how I burned 600 calories in my workouts. I'm just keeping it real. It's rough right now. I accept full responsibility for my actions and I don't see the numbers go down because I do overeat.

Sometimes I can control it and other times it is as if something overrides my brain.

I'm still working on healing myself and figuring out where the wires are crossed. I keep praying things will click the right way so that I can finally get healthy.

But, that's where I'm at right now. I can try motivating myself and try gimmicks to get me going again but I need to get to the root of the problem. As long as that exists, it's going to continue to shake my foundation.

I'm going to start seeing my nutritionist again in 2 weeks so that will be a nice thing.

Say a little prayer for me.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I can relate to this so much. I went through something very similar a couple of months ago. I was resorting to dangerous things out of desperation... things that I knew were not good for me, but I didn't care. I just wanted to see the scale move even at the cost of my health and well being. Try to take things one day at a time. If you need space away from all of this, take it! No one would begrudge you the time you need to make sense of your thoughts and feelings. I am here for you if you need to talk. xoxo
    2550 days ago
    Do you think it would help to just back away from the numbers completely and focus on a few healthy behaviors? It seemed for me that the harder I tried to stick to a program, the more my body rebelled and I wanted to binge.
    2550 days ago
    Just an idea.....try not to get on any scale for at least two weeks. The scale can bring on stress when it shows no progress; I speak from experience. I have been at a plateau for about 2 months now and I know why. I overate, did not exercise enough (I had major knee pain in my right knee) and I was not getting enough sleep. I know all of these things will not lead to weight loss and so I got even more depressed when the scale did not move. I have decided to make a change.

    I am getting back to basics. Meaning I am aiming for 8 cups of water a day, trying to stay within my calorie range, and getting back to exercising on a regular basis. I am still working on getting in 8 hours of sleep.

    You can do this Jenny. It is not going to be easy, but you will have my support and others from Spark to encourage you. I am glad to hear you will be seeing a nutritionist soon. They will be able to help you set your foundation to your new nutrition plan. Between your therapist and nutritionist, you will start to see changes.

    Thanks for stopping by to say hello. I think of you and how you are doing. Nice to hear you are working this summer, but I am sad to hear it is stressful.

    Take care.

    2550 days ago
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