Give up...or Stick it Out?

Sunday, June 26, 2011

I have a confession to make: I have lost all motivation to be healthy. It's just so much easier to not care. it's easier to eat whatever the hell I want and not scrutinize every morsel of food that crosses my lips. It's more enjoyable to go out to parties and social events and just eat whatever I damn well please, and enjoy myself and the company instead of worrying about whether or not the food is Primal.

I'm tired of it.

For the past 6 years, I have been on a variety of diets or healthy eating plans or lifestyles or whatever the hell you want to call them, and I am exhausted.

The problem is, if I just let go and eat whatever my heart desires, I will gain weight, and then I'll just be miserable in a different way.

Damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

I want to be one of those girls who is fat and happy. A girl who loves her body, even if it is a size 20. But that's just not me.

So which side do I choose? If I'm unhappy either way, what's the best choice for me? I just don't know anymore. All I know is I'm tired of thinking about food constantly. I'm tired of always worrying about my weight. I just want to make a truce with food and with my body, but I don't think that's going to happen. So what option do I have? Stick to Primal, lose weight, and be miserable? Stop following any plan, gain weight, and be miserable? I'm not seeing much of a silver lining here.

I just really don't know what to do anymore.

I know I should want to be healthy. It shouldn't be about the food or my weight or my dress size. It should be about my health. But it never, ever is. At the end of the day, it's all about what I see in the mirror and how my clothes fit. It's about the foods I did or did not allow myself to have. It's about this damn eating disorder that I've lost control of yet again. Health is low-priority in comparison.

I'm just over it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD1767805
    Gal, I have fallen off the wagon too, and noticed the "don't care attitude" slipping up on me as well. I get frustrated because I know I will have to be diligent to be healthy (and thinner). I don't have those genes where it is going to be effortless. I made a commitment just this morning to make a u-turn and get back on track.
    I realize I will probably always be a curvy chick, just a smaller one if I keep up with healthy eating. It's who I am.
    I hope you will see health as a priority, because it is easier to maintain health at a younger age than try to regain it at an older age. (I know because I will hit 45 in a few months).
    I agree with the other poster to this blog, write out your frustrations. It helps to have people respond and cheer us on.
    This journey isn't an easy one, but it is one that's worth it.
    HUGS and hang in there!
    3431 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9978774
    I've written a few blogs on wanting to quit if you want to check them out! We are all behind you. Maybe it will help if you focus on progress with the food rather than perfection. If I make a change for my diet that makes me feel like I am failing I make it easier. Just go back a little and choose something you can do forever. I could never give up chocolate or wine and if I try I feel "bad" when I eat it. Get honest with you. I don't know what the primal thing is but maybe say you can do it 70% of the time and the rest eat what you want in your calorie range. Something is better than nothing. Are you being too hard on yourself? Hope this helps!
    3440 days ago
    RKJ1969 is totally right. You're blogs have always stated that you're quite happy about the Primal lifestyle and you've always talked about how much you enjoy being on it and how good you feel doing it.

    This weight stuff is really hard. You've been struggling with it for a LONG time, but you remember how you felt when you just gave up and ate what you wanted. You were absolutely miserable. Yes, your Primal lifestyle has it's snags and it's hang ups but, ultimately, you have felt really great on it. You can even go back and read some of your past blogs to remind yourself of that.

    You will NOT be happy giving up and you're not a quitter. Just take it slow. One goal at a time. Even if you have to do a daily goal to feel accomplished about SOMETHING. You're in a real stressful period and, although it might seem easier to give up, you will regret it in the long run.

    Just take it easy, my friend, and please just call or text me if you want to talk. Love you.
    3440 days ago
  • RKJ1969
    Having followed your blogs for a while, I'm going to posit that you do NOT actually feel miserable when you follow the Primal Blueprint - you've posted often that you feel fabulous when you follow the plan and like crap when you don't.

    So, if you're feeling a little frustrated and sorry for yourself right now, that's understandable, we've all been there. Losing weight is HARD and never happens as quickly as we want it to - PLUS you've had a lot of changes and major stressors going on - but I just don't buy that you're "miserable either way". It can certainly get tiresome if you dwell on all the things you can't eat, but only YOU can convince yourself to set that aside and move forward.

    Take a break if you need to, but I predict you'll feel worse eating the crap food and not exercising than you feel now.

    A better solution might be thinking of some more immediate and tangible goals - ones that get you thru TODAY and aren't so big picture...

    3442 days ago
    It is tiring, either way you go with it - so now you decide, which way you want to go with it...maybe take a break from a strict diet for a week or two and see if you feel better, or worse. Make your diet not an "all or nothing" thing but something you can actually live with, and if you have a binge, pick up and get back on track. I know its not always that easy. This attitude you have is all part of the process, I believe it makes us look at what we really want for ourselves. I have felt the same way before too, I believe you will find a lot of people on this journey have too. (that doesn't make yours easier, just know I understand) Real life happens, we don't always lose the way we want. Are you worth taking care of? of course you are! Keep writing out your feelings! Thank you for the honesty, it did remind me of when I was in that place, and made me want to help you. You'll get there, just remember it isn't always a straight shot from where we are to where we want to be...and you'll make it!
    3442 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5465013
    I feel your pain! I am really discouraged right now because no matter how hard I try I do not lose! It is probably age and thyroid issues for me. But I feel the frustration and deprivation. The only thing I can say is if you want to eat whatever, then increase the exercise to more than you eat. Start running more than walking and increase the intensity with the weight training. I am not fat and hapy either and am also uncomfortable at my weight now! I want to lose too but it is way too hard for me right now! I am going to concentrate on fitness first.
    3442 days ago
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