Recovery & Relapse
Sunday, June 26, 2011
You see, the one can be extremely detrimental to the other if either happens to be off kilter...but there is no hope of perfection.
I must remember to celebrate every victory, to forgive every transgression, to maintain my power of choice, and learn to love myself, "...warts, and all..."
Last night really threw me for a loop. I started on a binge, recognized the emerging pattern, took steps to correct it (seeking support on SP forums, and finding other things to do with my time than eat), and still managed to spiral into a fully-fledged binge anyway.
When my husband got home after working a double shift, I went to him to offer my confession. I cried, and he hugged me.
I have GOT to remember that an eating disorder is a disease, and like any addiction - once in recovery, ALWAYS in recovery. You just don't get magically cured.
I try to be mindful of triggers. I try to keep myself in check. I have an awesome support network. But I can still lose control, even when everything is going well.
Sometimes, it can't just be "one day at a time." Sometimes, it has to be one hour at a time...sometimes, one minute.
I haven't failed. I just fell down. I'm getting myself up off of the ground. I'm turning around one day at time, and eventually, I know, my life will be mine.