Monday, June 20, 2011
I absolutely hate the town I live in. I don't like the people, the pace or anything about this place. I don't want to be here. But school and finances will keep me here for a while. Two years at least. This means joining a church or making friends are a trial. I tried just hanging with people for a while but it always seems to end because I am a wierdo or my disdain for this place comes thru. So I have no support or friends of any kind here and whenever I get to the point of making significant changes, I become lost because my life has not really changed and I no longer have food to support me. And back to bingeing I go. It's like I lift myself up with my own wishes and desires but sooner or later, something pokes a hole in them and I can no longer sustain it.
I know I need to get my support from journaling and/or the message boards, but that has never felt natural. So I don't know what to do and it just makes me feel awful when I slide back to my old habits.