Updating and Regrouping (and a picture).

Monday, June 20, 2011

My goodness, when I fall on my eating, I fall hard! I have spent most of the last 5 days trying to watch what I eat, and then "not caring" and ending up either just overall eating too much, too crappy, or bingeing. My bingeing now is thankfully not as bad as it was before I started this journey (before, I could eat whole pizzas, and TWO footlong subs from Subway with at least 3 cookies). I did have eat out WAY too much, and I notice that I have felt just ick during this time. What motivation for continuing on a healthier path?

For the update on my work situation that I outlined but never came back to say what happened on my last blog, the meeting went just fine. I found out that only 4 of us so far have been audited (out of 25) and that it seems that we overall have been doing poorly, so I didn't have the target on my back that I thought I did. She reassured me that I am still one of her best workers, which made me feel good, and though I still have backup plans in place, I do want to work there for as long as I can, and even more hopefully be able to work there part time while I go to school in 3-5 years (oh, if only things went perfectly according to plan, right?).

I won't go into all the details of what I ate, but I will say I didn't track a THING during this time, and I didn't weigh myself. I weighed myself this morning, and my weight is 167.2. I am just hating this yo-yo'ing that I seem to have going on. I do know, though, that I am stress and emotional eating. Even worse, during the big eating sessions, I know I am eating to turn off all my feelings, all my emotions, and just lose myself in the eating process. Nachos, ice cream, Dairy Queen, etc. to name a few. I even had extras of fairly healthy food...cereal, grapes,...

But, I digress. To get to the point since I have limited time before my break is over, I need to regroup. I need to get back to what I know works for me. I need to be structured, but not perfect. I need to be active. I need to be busy. I need to work through my emotions, my feelings, obstacles that come my way. I need to be strong yet know my weaknesses and focus on them. I need to take a daily inventory of how I did emotionally, physically, nutritionally, and mentally. I need to prepare for what lies ahead, but be realistic in my expectations of myself as I go through future obstacles.

This weekend was an eye-opener for me. I am starting to get my self-esteem back, slowly but surely. I was at the splash park this Saturday with my sister and daughter, and my sister took a picture of us without me knowing it and posted it on FB. Normally, I would have looked at such a picture (I am in a swimming suit top and running shorts) and just about puked, or just would have honed in on the negatives. This time, I looked at the positives: My arms being more toned, my runner's legs (yes, I am a runner!!!), and I liked my butt! I added the pic below. Don't you just love my little cupcake running around? She hated that 2-piece though. She kept trying to pull the top down to cover her tum-tum.

I got up this morning, went to the gym, and put in 22 miles in spin class followed by walking 5 minutes, running 25 minutes, and walking another 5 minutes before going home. I have a sense of purpose today, and I want it to last. My plans for the day? To do what I can, to do MY best, and to not focus on perfection. That's it.

Do I still want to get to a certain weight before my daughter's birthday? No. My focus is to be healthy. I am still going to weigh myself on Wednesday's for the summer challenge I am in and I do want to at least maintain 160 for WW, but other than that I want to focus on losing fat, gaining muscle, and how I feel. And to do what I can to firm up the areas that I need to so I can avoid plastic surgery next year :o}

Here's to a happy, fun, and never boring Monday!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Healthy is good. Healthy lets your body be strong and fit without trying to make it cookie-cutter.

    You're doing awesome! Sometimes I just need to step back a little, too, and just briefly kinda let my foot off the gas. Then I can gear back up and give it my all!

    I believe in you.
    2555 days ago
    Erin, you look so tiny and healthy in that picture. Way to go girl! It sounds like you have a great plan to get back on track.
    2558 days ago
    You look great! Absolutely fantastic! Don't worry about the occasional over our limit calories. You are exercising enough for 10 of us. Just do the best you can and it will all work out in the final numbers.
    Don't forget, YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!
    emoticon emoticon
    2559 days ago
    Girl, sounds like your past few days were like mine. I fell of the wagon and landed in a pile of fast food and ice cream. Ugh. The scale showed a 3 lb gain in 3 days!! I am inspired by your attitude and I am climb back on the wagon. Together we can kick that unhealthy food to the curb!!
    2559 days ago
  • JENNY888
    You look great!
    2559 days ago
    That's you in that pic, right??? you look awesome! Great legs and arms!
    2559 days ago
    Focus on the positives, do the best you can and move on -- that's pretty much all you can do, right?! I think most of us completely understand what you're going through. Hang in there and focus on being healthy. Healthy is good! :)

    - Michelle
    2559 days ago
    You look fantastic! The important thing is that you are coming back - not saying oh well I blew and letting something like a 5 day slip up (or week or month) keep you from doing what is right and healthy for you and your daughter. Keep moving forward is all we can do and you are totally ROCKING it!!!
    2559 days ago
    Did I post this? Seriously I am right there with you. I do really good for about 5 days at a time, and then I binge eat for a couple days and then get back on track. Its really frustrating. I am also trying to not be so critical of myself and notice my accomplishments more instead of just my short comings. I have been trying to pre-track my food, which helps, but its still always a challenge.
    2559 days ago
    Focus on healthy, best way to look at it!
    2559 days ago
    Oh, yeah, I like those legs, too.
    2559 days ago
    I posted something similar on the friend feed, but just want to reiterate (because I've been in almost EXACTLY the same position, time and again)- even with the slip-ups/time off, when you start back up again you're in a better place than when you started because of all the prior work you've but in. Just look at the muscle tone in that picture- it's all still under there, and when you get back on track, you're that much farther ahead than when you really started (x number of years ago).

    I used to beat myself up SO bad when I got off course, and I HATED writing the "starting over..." blog, but I've slowly come to realize that since started spark, I've never truly had to start all the way over. First, you have a way better fitness level foundation. And second, you have the knoweldge/skills of what healthy habits work best for you. Like I said, you'll be back-back in no time! Good luck!
    2559 days ago
    That is a great picture of you! And I am so glad you can find the positives now instead of focusing on the negatives. You really have come such a LONG way and you should be proud of where you are! I feel like a lot of people are really struggling this summer, as opposed to last summer (myself included). But we'll all make it through our stressful times!
    2559 days ago
    I just made basically the same post. Just keep trying to work through it and remember we have to be healthy to be there for others. Change is not all bad, we just have to deal with it in a head on manner, be part of the change not just trying to deal with it. I am doing better with this although it often seems that the stronger personalities drive the bus even if it is over a cliff....Hang in there, fitness and weight go hand in hand. You may yo yo a little and still remain fit and healthy, it is hard sometimes to put a new picture of yourself in your mind. It has been very hard for me to see my new self. emoticon
    2559 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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