Dealing with my food issues
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Today did not start off well. We had crazy storms throughout the night and it kept both me and the little guy awake. I’m running on about 4 hours of sleep. Then, in my sleepless haze, I misread the dosing instructions on the ibuprofen and gave little guy way too much. Nothing like a call to Poison Control at 6:30 in the morning. They assured me (ok, my husband because I was crying too hard to call) that Max would be totally fine and it was safe to take him to day care. (He’s teething, not sick).
It also happens to be his last day of day care before we start with a babysitter. That made dropping him off super awkward because the day care is upset I’m withdrawing him. They’ve been so rude to me since I gave his two week notice. (Which is a sign I’m making the right choice). On the drive to day care, there was a major accident and my route was backed up for miles. Luckily, I heard the traffic report in time and was able to take an alternative route. It added 20 minutes to my commute, but if I tried to go the regular way, I’d probably still be in traffic! Oh and when I got to work I noticed a HUGE stain on my white skirt I didn’t see when getting dressed. Awesome.
So. Pity Party over. Despite the first 3 hours of my day totally sucking, I refuse to use that as an excuse to feel sorry for myself and emotionally eat. I’m going to suck it up and make it a good day.
My goal for this week is to get back into the tracking routine. While it was one of my May goals to track every day, I was good for about a week and then stopped. I hate tracking but I know it is absolutely vital. The same pattern happens every time.
1) I track every last bite for a few weeks
2) I then start tracking most of what I eat
3) I then move to keeping an eye on what I eat but not writing it down
4) I start sneaking more and more treats/snacks.
5) I stop paying attention to portion size
6) I stop paying attention completely
7) I start binging
8) The weight starts piling on.
I know this. I’ve completed this cycle a million and half times. I switched to Weight Watchers because I found it easier to track points over calories. I have an iPhone app that is easy to use so I have no excuse not to track when not near a computer. But yet, I still don’t track and I still get frustrated when I don’t lose the weight.
What the hell is my problem?
I have food issues. I know this. I use it as a crutch. I use it as a hobby. Food is my passion. I’ve discussed this in past blogs. What I don’t know is how to get over them.
I’m starting to think that this might be bigger than me. I’m not talking a food addiction or needing to go to OA, but I need to get to the root of WHY I use food as a crutch. I mean, I had a happy childhood and have never suffered abuse so it’s not that deep. I just choose eating as a way to deal with stress. I think I’m going to look at an Emotional Eating teams on Spark. Or maybe a self help book or two. Anyone have any suggestions?
I know that I will never reach my goal weight if I don’t tackle this head on. I WILL do what it takes to get to AND STAY AT my goal.