Sticks and Stones May Break Your Bones, But Words Still Hurt Like A...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I'm hurt. And I didn't know where to turn. So here I am.
I know I've been slightly MIA for awhile. I've been spending a lot of time diving into my new job that I started about 2 months ago and really trying to take all of that in. I've also been training hard to run my first 1/2 marathon (this Saturday!!). And on top of that I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with my new baby nephew. So yea, I know I've been somewhat absent.
But today sent me straight to SparkPeople. As I said, I just started a new full time job about two months ago. Tonight I was passing by my old employer and thought I'd stop in to see if anyone was around and just to say Hi. So I did, and to my pleasure I see my former boss and his wife sitting there. I was so excited to see them! We made small talk for awhile and I gushed about my new job. And then something came out of my former bosses mouth that I've literally NEVER heard or thought before in my life.
A man who I have had the utmost respect for since the day I met him. A man who worked his way from quite literally the bottom of a company all the way up to Marketing, Sales and Customer Service Director. A man who has run several successful business "on the side" while stilling working his 40+ hours and his normal job and being a family man. A man who would bend over backwards for you if you ever needed anything. A man who speaks eloquently and intelligently about anything from how to hold a scissors properly to the inner workers of a successful company. A man who I never thought was capable of hurting my feelings the way he did tonight.
He said, "Its so good to see you, you've been such a stranger since you started your new job. People have been asking about you lately!" I replied, "Oh really, that's so nice to hear!" He said, "Yea, just today we were talking about how that "fat little blonde girl" was doing."
I've often thought of myself as chubby. Or that I could use to lose a few pounds. But, fat? Really? I've never thought of myself that way. Ever.
I've never been 100% happy w/ my size. But fat, huh? And to my face? You really said that to my face? Fat? I know I've gained a few pounds. I know I don't have the hot bod of a 17 year old bikini model. I know I can always improve. But fat?
What in the world! I'm so hurt. I feel disgusting. I never want to see him again. I could cry. I did cry on my way home. Is that all you can think to say to me after 2 months of not speaking to me is that I'm fat? Have you nothing more important or intelligent to comment on?
This is the stuff eating disorders are made of, I kid you not. Fat.