Goals, realistically set for the First Time Ever.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Four years ago I went on a diet. It was 1100-1200 cals diet depending on how much weight I lost a week. Results like 2 kilos, 3 kilos were normal and expected on the scale. EVERY week.
After 3 months I dropped the diet and stopped everything all together: The eating less, the exercising, the get in shape mentality and gained all the weight back plus much much more.
However, far more worst than the weight, the psychological baggage that I gained from that period is what I regret most.

At that time, what I lived by was the following :

1- More than 1200 calories a day is gluttonous.
2- The scale is supposed to show 1-3 kilos loss a week or else that week is not fruitful.
3- If, god forbid, the scale didn't budge or shows that I only lost a pound (gaining was not optional) then calories are reduced to 900-1000 for the following week.

After those three months were over, despite the weight loss and the positive comments I was hearing from everyone around me, I began to eat again. I just kept eating and eating and feeling those pounds crawling back one by one. For a while I'd feel frustrated and decide to try losing weight again, but the thing is, every time I tried to lose it I immediately expected 1-2 kilos loss a week and nothing less than that would feel like success for me. When it didn't show on the scale, I'd feel frustrated and stop exercising/watching my food intake.

So I kept getting heavier and heavier every month. My tries to lose it always ended the same so it was a difficult cycle of yo-yo dieting.

I couldn't picture myself thin at all. I felt helpless, powerless and weak because I had no control of my life.
Numerous times I would see one of my friends wearing something hot and would tell myself that that's it, I'm starting tomorrow and not stopping until I become thin so I could wear this or that..But of course, it never happened. The cycle just continued like that, which labeled me in my own eyes, as a failure.

I don't have to talk about how being obese affected my life, because I think everyone knows a bit about that.

What I want to write here in this blog is the goals I'm setting for myself today.. 4 years from that. Four years of self-doubting. Four years of struggling with clothes, hearing hurtful comments, watching everyone else losing their weight, hating food but continuously binging and overeating.
I am done with that.

No more!

Today I weigh 99 kilos. It is the highest I've ever been, and the highest among anyone in my family, my mother will be very shocked and disappointed if she knew about it.

But it's okay. If this is the number I have to reach in order for me to finally do this right then so be it. I welcome the 99.

I divided the journey to terms. I know people who weigh a lot weight lose a bit more at the beginning so

Goals :

Thursday 16-6 To Thursday 23-6
98 kilos

Thursday 23-6 To 30-6
97 kilos

Friday 1-7 To Thursday 1-9
90 kilos

Friday 2-9 To Friday 2-12
80 kilos

Friday 2-12 To Friday 2-3

If you have told me weeks ago that I would consent to the idea of losing about 30 kilos in 7 months, I would have said no thank you. If I'm losing weight I'm losing it FAST. (Which of course meant I won't lose it, and those 9 months would pass me by while I'm still fat, maybe fatter.)

So I feel determinately optimistic this time, or optimistically determined. I've been reading everything I can about emotional eating and portion control so I can gradually change my habits one habit at a time. I also know I will face setbacks and obstacles along the way making me feel like giving up.

But that's why I joined Spark People in the first place emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    great Job in starting your journey ,but always expect that it will be full of hard work and challenges and still some people will make comments that will bring you down ,just fight that and keep in mind that you are in the right path,also keep in mind that it might not be a kilo loss every week but as long as you are doing the right thing just keep going .Quitting will be a no option ..great and good luck inshallag you will achieve all what you want emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2834 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/17/2011 4:22:04 PM
  • APED7969
    emoticon I know how you feel. I hit 100kg in march and decided that was enough. I have been losing approx 1kg per week since then sometimes less, sometimes more and it is slowing now but I know this time I can stick with it this time since I don't feel hungry and I can still fit dessert into my calorie range. Two lessons that have helped me heaps are: Exercise is great since it means I can eat a bit more(within reason) and still lose weight and drinking those 8 glasses + of water means I have fewer flucuations on the scale due to retaining water which makes me happy. Good Luck! emoticon
    2836 days ago
    i wish you all the success. i'm with you in changing one habit a time. emoticon
    2836 days ago
    All the best with your plans. emoticon
    2836 days ago
    Way to go!

    I've felt the same way and now I am ready to try again.

    New day - New start.

    Thank you.
    2836 days ago
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