May turns in to June

Monday, June 13, 2011

Well it has been a long while since I last wrote anything on SP. To be honest I have avoided it like the plague. I started to fall off of the wagon with my weight loss some time over the winter and around the time I had hit 45 pounds lost (or so). I hit the infamous plateau where, no matter what I ate (or didn't) or how much time I did working out, nothing changed. Then add the fact that I am a stress eater and I hit some really stressful times at work and at home, and voila, I have gained 17 pounds back. Oh sure I have held it like this for almost two months, but still. My son, however, I am really proud of him. He started a short time after I did and has managed to lose almost 80 pounds. He looks great! And in time for his graduation no doubt. The bad thing is that I often avoid telling him because it is only a reminder of my failure at this.

A recent doctor's visit confirms that my health, although not bad, is showing signs of wear and tear. Sugar is high, Vitamin D and Omega 3 deficiencies. So on and so forth. She had mentioned lap band surgery, but I know that my insurance won't cover it, and I was not totally sold on it. This combined with recent pictures we took at my son's graduation has gotten me back in to wanting to be on this site, the need for support and the want to get where I know I can be. The wife and I even went and visited a real high end fitness facility in the area and will be joining here in the next month once all of our finances are aligned.

It is odd to me how most people feel overweight, and even the ones that are near skinny still do. I have always been the opposite. I have always felt like a person of moderate weight, if not in good shape. That is until I see the mirror, or a reflection of myself, or a picture (like at a son's graduation), and then the feeling of embarrassment and shame kick it. "Oh my God, is that actually me?", "when/how did I get so swollen?", "how do others see me?". And I don't know about any of the rest of my fellow SP'ers but in the world of professionals, my peers and leadership perceive your weight as a sign of laziness, of one that does not take care of themselves therefore cannot take care of anything else. I once received an accidental copy of an email from a faculty member forwarding a reply to an email of mine to another faculty member stating, "yeah that's probably just another way of saying I'm sitting on my fat ass doing whatever", and even though she made her apologies to me and I kept her from reprimand, it has stung to this day.

Ok, so I believe I have babbled enough and need to actually do something besides sit here and type. Just wanted to vent so please forgive my rant. I will try and keep this up.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You've taken the first step - facing the truth of where you are, and logging back in here! YOU CAN DO THIS!

    And no apologies needed - your blog, your thoughts, your place for expression. :)
    3146 days ago
    You can do this!

    1. Start tracking your food
    2. Drink Water
    3. Work out
    (repeat daily)

    Thanks for your military service!
    3147 days ago
  • KPECK37
    Wow, I really need to proof read these before sending them out. I went from one direction to another. Guess it was just where my mind was, so again my apologies.

    3147 days ago
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