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Wednesday, June 08, 2011

So, I've been wishy-washy in using Spark in the past six months.

That might have something to do with my pregnancy :)
emoticon 24wks today. emoticon

I waited a long time to announce anything online - partly because I feel like so much of our personal information is swirling out there in the internet universe already; partly because I was still having a really hard time with the idea of transitioning from my life as professional / wife / athlete to professional / wife / athlete / mommy.

I'm still struggling with a lot of body image issues - things I blogged about almost a year ago. It's been very hard to talk about the physical changes of pregnancy with my friends / people in my life. When I hear people asking me, "Are you showing yet?" "How are you feeling?" "Wow, you're getting big. How far along are you?" what I'm mostly hearing is, "You are getting so fat. What have you been doing with yourself to allow this to happen?" It's been difficult to see my year of progress in losing weight and getting healthier erased in such a short time. I've gained almost 20 lbs already and I haven't even hit the third trimester yet when additional weight gain is expected and appropriate.

I don't know what to say to people who talk to me about just accepting that this is what my body is supposed to be doing, I'm growing another person, it's such an amazing process, etc etc etc. I am a doctor - I talk to my patients about these topics and more all the time. I don't want to be lectured about it from random strangers or friends. What I want is understanding that this is an emotionally and physically stressful event in my life that I have been working towards for many, many years and that there wasn't suddenly going to be a switch that occured just because I happen to be pregnant. It's a dirty secret of pregnancy in the western world that many women have exacerbated negative body image issues while they're pregnant and that they get manifold conflicting images and messages about how they're supposed to feel about their bodies / what they are supposed to look like. No one wants to talk about the fact that not everyone is happy happy happy to be gaining "baby weight."

Don't get me wrong, I am very thrilled for the outcome of this process - I couldn't be happier about having a little one in my life in a little over three months. But I don't have to be happy about the fact that my entire body is changing from a body that I worked very hard to achieve to a body that is unrecognizable to me. I do have to work on accepting it and not try to fight it, for my health and the baby's health. That's a process and I'm getting there with help.

However, it's hard to overcome 15 years of hearing "You're fat," in your head all the time in the space of six months just because there happens to be a baby growing. I cannot be the only one thinking this.

Anyway, I am making a choice to be active on Spark again to help me manage the last few months of my pregnancy and to give me some sense of control of what is happening to me. I would appreciate any and all positive support and encouragement, which is what I have come to think Spark is mostly about.

If you have negative comments to make about what I've said, please keep them to yourself. I'm here to work on making my life healthier, in all aspects - physically, mentally, emotionally. Please be a positive influence in that process.

Glad to be back.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I struggle with the same thing as far as body image goes! I absultely LOVE being p/g(and I really do think p/g is beautiful), but at the same time I struggle with seeing the number on the scale rise, the fact that I no longer have an hour-glass shape, and that I can't workout like normal.

    You are not alone. I won't lecture you...I've received the same speeches as you, I'm sure. ;) Congrats! I am due Sept 14th, btw. :)
    2864 days ago
    You aren't the only one! Remember you are growing a whole person! Do keep an eye on what you're consuming, make the right choices and nourish yourself and your baby.

    Its wonderful to see you back. Even more wonderful to hear this news. Congratulations!
    2870 days ago
  • AWOLF24
    Congratulations! I understand a little bit of what you are going through. I do not love the changes my body goes through while I am pregnant. I do not glow. I don't enjoy it - at all. I feel that it is something you must go through to have a family and I am thankful to have "healthy" pregnancies. That is just how I feel, and can't wait to deliver this baby (our 2nd) so that I never have to be pregnant again. Love my kids, don't love pregnancy. I'm amazed that more women don't talk about that. But hang in there. I promise - the reward is well worth it. You'll bounce back afterward - and will appreciate even more the body's capacity to heal itself and change!
    2872 days ago
    I am so glad you're back! And 100% get where you're coming from. I've gained 5 lbs already and I'm not even out of the first trimester yet. I miss my active lifestyle, and despite countless attempts at working out in the past month, it just hasn't happened. I feel like poo, and if I force myself to work out, oh my goodness do I feel terrible afterwards. So I'm trying to make healthy choices, but then there are tons of food that make me want to vomit at just the thought of them. So I get it! And then of course, after months of trying for #2 I feel guilty that I would even remotely not be okay with the changes my body is going through. I want this baby and love this baby dearly, but I finally gave myself permission to be upset about things and feel the way I'm feeling. One thing that has really helped is when I am scared or upset about something, I write it down in my journal. In fact today I wrote down how sick and tired I am of being sick and tired. I instantly felt better! Hang in there, I'm here for you no matter what you need! And congratulations!!!!
    2873 days ago
    First of all, congratulations. You are well on your way and already a mom in many ways. Second, I am here for you! Vent, blog, message, whatever, whenever, all that jazz! You will get through this. Stay strong, stay you. And enjoy the next few weeks as much as possible!

    2873 days ago
    MISSED YOU!... so there you have it. Wondered what happened to you. So, I was like the most miserable unhappy pregnant woman in the world. Therefore, I have 1 child. No negative talk from me. I think I would be in the same exact row boat with you if I found out I was pregnant, but thrilled for the bundle that was coming along in 9 months. YES, I hear ya.

    Hang in there... the body is an amazing thing and you will bounce back. You know that. This time with a little one in tow as you work out. How fun!

    Welcome back to SPARK!
    2873 days ago
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