ANNEKATHLEEN

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Resetting the ol' ticker: courage & honesty

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

It's been a rough four months. My stress level has been soaring to ultimate highs. I'm not good at admitting that I need help or even admitting that I'm stressed to the max. It takes courage for me to even write this.

It takes courage for me to tell everyone that in March I began stressing about the end of the school year. The pressure of trying to get grades done, trying to keep my head above water, and trying to give those kids the education they deserve had me treading water as fast as I could.

It takes courage for me to tell everyone that in April I had a miscarriage. Everyone told me it's not my fault. Everyone says there is nothing I did wrong. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't. It happens to millions of people all across the world, yet I still asked myself, "why me?" I am pretty sure I'm healed now, the wounds have scarred over.

It takes courage for me to tell everyone that the effects of the mc were possibly detrimental to my maintenance mode. I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted, however much I wanted, whenever I wanted. I told myself I deserved it, I'd been through enough. Justification can be a biotch. I gained but didn't much care.

It takes courage for me to tell everyone that I justified my stress eating and lack of exercise in April/May, too, because I was buying a house. The process had my emotions going up, down, up, down, like a rollercoaster about to fly off the tracks. My husband says we will never buy a house again because of the stressful process (I am sure that is not true :)). I told myself as we were moving that that was all the exercise I needed. Moving in itself was exercise, right? Hmmm....I'm re-thinking that thought now.

In May, my first class I've ever taught graduated. I was sad and stressed about that. I threw a wedding shower for my sister at my house a week later (two weeks after moving into my new home). I planned for the future in my teaching, completed homework for my masters class, planned a trip to Las Vegas for my sister's wedding, organized a new bill paying system for the new place, cleaned anything I could at the new place. Did you see any exercise in there? Not really, because it was minimal and spotty at best.

It took courage for me to weigh myself after weeks. And it took courage for me to finally reset my ticker to reflect the weight I'd gained: 13 pounds. I'm on to being honest, now, as I recommit to this healthy lifestyle.

I'm being honest that I have gained because of lack of exercise and eating whatever the heck I want. Now that it's out there, it's time to get back to it. I'm glad that I am back to it now, and ready to get rid of these 13 pounds. I'm hoping and praying that my Sparkfriends will help encourage me as I get back to it. Truly, it takes courage to get back to it and courage to ask for help, so I'm hoping there are some out there to do that for me. In fact, I know there are!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • RUNNERGRL7380
    Thanks for sharing!! You do have courage to put all of that out there. I can really relate because our jobs ARE stressful. 13 smirteen....you can lose that by the end of the summer! Start forming your old good habits and you will be successful. And you were ALLOWED to not exercise and eat junk...it is part of the healing process. Congrats on the house and I totally understand...I told my DH I am DYING in this house!! hahaa :) You are a spark motivator!!!
    3055 days ago
  • LOTUSFLOWER
    Anne, you are an amazing woman. I know that you will get rid of those 13 lbs. and then some. Whatever you dream up, you can do. With your strong conviction and faith anything in the world is possible for you, my dear! I love you and I am proud of you for writing this amazing, inspiring blog. Yes, others will be inspired for your soaring out of this seeming rubble like the Phoenix. It does take courage to write this, and the courage of a person who is so strong it is amazing. And they will be inspired when they see you reach your goals, too. emoticon
    3055 days ago
  • FIERCEONE4PEACE
    this is a fabulous blog. You have been through a lot in such a short amount of time and you are honest and AMAZING! I'm proud of you! and I LOVE YOU!
    3055 days ago
  • STARLIGHT615
    You are a very couragous yet very strong willed women! You have have curveballs in life thrown at you every which way lately and you have perservered in everyway! Even though you have gained you are stronger than ever and know what needs to be done! Love you girl!
    3057 days ago
  • CHAOTICMOM4
    Holy cow, you had a bit of everything thrown at you. Way to bounce back at it.
    3057 days ago
  • REENSKI
    What a beautiful and corageous woman you are!
    Life hits you from all sides sometimes, But sounds like you are ready to get yourself back on track.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3057 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    Sometimes life can hit you like a tsunami. And it is all you can do to keep your head above water and not go under for the third time. You have come through it all stronger and you have the ability to rise above all of it and get back on track. The thirteen pounds will soon be history!

    3058 days ago
  • KLMAYS08
    You have blessed my heart. Your courage and strength are inspiring.
    3058 days ago
  • RIVERLEAF1772
    emoticon So awesome that you are brave enough to admit this to yourself and on spark. You are inspiring me in my stressful time to be honest and accurate about what happens and to manage the consequences of stress eating and lack of exercise. Thanks!
    3059 days ago
  • KSGROTHE
    You are courageous and strong, and you'll get those 13 lbs back off! emoticon

    - Karen
    3059 days ago
  • OFFDREA
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I am very proud of you for your courage. It is very inspiring.
    3059 days ago
  • ROEANDGO
    What a wonderful blog about being honest with yourself. You've been through soooo much in the last 6 months and you survived! I have no doubt that the 13 pounds will come off again.
    3059 days ago
  • CORKY1303
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    Congrats on being back! And an even bigger round of applause for laying all of those things out there like that. You're exactly right, it does take a lot of courage! And that just goes to show you just how tough you are! You'll kick those 13 lbs to the curb in NO TIME! And I'll be here cheering you on!! emoticon
    3059 days ago
  • ROBYNROSE26
    I'm so sorry you have been through such a difficult time and I am so proud of you for having the courage to lay it all out! Use the next few monthes while school is out to focus on you, I always find that getting more exercise helps with the stress.
    3059 days ago
  • SGTSUNNY
    Hugs, I know how stressful your life has been. You have the skills to take the weight back off and I have faith this time it will stick. You will be in Maintenance again soon and you will be concentrating on staying there! We are here for you and will be watching out for you. Count on it!
    3059 days ago
  • MOONMANSON
    Sorry things have been so rough for you right now. The MC would have been hard enough on it's own, but with all of the other stresses in your life, it's understandable you hit a really rough patch.

    I hope summer becomes more restful for you.

    How long have you been teaching? I know a lot of people that do so as well, and I know it can be extraordinarily stressful.

    emoticon
    3059 days ago
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