Why I Wouldn't Give Up the Bad Days
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
I've had a few bad days recently. I've been alternatingly grouchy, sad, ragingly angry, horribly depressed, then numb, grouchy, sad, repeat, repeat. There's no evident cause for this, and luckily I'm at a point in my life where I can ride this wave without too much attachment or concern, more wonder and awareness. My sleep has been a bit off, and my food has been all over the place too, eating a little too much, eating things I don't normally choose to eat. And yesterday, for the life of me I could not muster up the energy to attack even ONE THING on my to-do list. And my to-do list really isn't that intimidating. heh.
I woke up this morning feeling ever so slightly better. I put on my running shorts and made some breakfast out of the strawberries from my garden, the honey from my local farm, some oatmeal, and some eggs from the man who raises chickens up the street, and---BAM---gratitude.
You know what? I wouldn't trade the bad days for anything. It's so cliche, but they make the good days seem so much brighter and... well, more good. But even more important, they always highlight for me those places where there is room for more growth--or where more growth is even, at this point, necessary. In the middle of my stillness yesterday (I really meant that I couldn't find it in me to do ANYTHING I intended to do!) I opened my eyes to a lot of different things--some relationships that aren't working, some plans I've made that I don't want to have, some decisions I've made that I'm no longer comfortable with, some areas of my life that need my attention. I didn't develop any grand plans. I've definitely learned enough to know that those usually don't last and don't work when they come from the state of mind I was in yesterday. But I DID have my eyes opened. And I did imagine some new possibilities. Some of them were even pretty exciting.
In the past, bad days (or weeks or months) were complete and total catastophes. Generally, I ate and drank my way through them, ironically, turning bad days or weeks into bad months and years. What a gift to feel the feelings, to ride the tide, and to come out the other side with insights and possibilities. While I've got no real sense of what single thing I could do to shake off this general state of mind, I'm okay with that. I know that a healthy breakfast, this blog, and the run I'm about to take are a great start. :-)
I wish you a good day today sparkfriends--or a bad one, perhaps, rife with growth and possibility. More soon!