The summer of all summers

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Wow, I had no idea it has been over a month since I have blogged! That is just unacceptable. Well as some of you know I have been working alot with my therapist and dietician again and I feel like things are moving in the right direction. I am really focused on not binging versus focusing on losing weight and that's what I need to do right now.

There's been alot of work at self-discovery lately. What do I like to do? What do I like to eat? What do I want to do in my spare time? I've realized that before 2007 (when I started this thing that I thought was going to lead me to a healthy lifestyle) my life was completely different. Yes I definitely had a weight problem but I was SO much happier than what I am now. I didn't spend my spare time thinking about food and planning out meals and wondering how I was going to get an extra workout because of the crap I ate. No, instead I was having fun with my friends and doing things that I enjoyed doing. Alot of that has gone away, and I want to bring it back.

When I started changing my life in 07, I changed my food and exercise at the same time. A year later I was binging. 3 years later I am still binging. What would have happened if I would have just changed my exercise. Would I have started losing weight? Would I have lost it as quickly as I did? Probably not, but I would have done it in a healthy way. At the time I didn't think what I was doing was unhealthy, and I'm still not sold that it completely was but my nutritionist seems to think so. She tells me every session that I am still in a restricting mind frame and I need to change things. And while I was REALLY against this when I started...after all...millions of Americans are doing this and they can't ALL be wrong right?? But I've decided, what's the worse that can happen? I'm already ruining my body by allowing these binges to occur and yo-yoing my weight dramatically on a weekly basis. I'm already spending all of my time thinking about food and exercise so that can't really get any worse. What could really be the worst thing that happened if I ate what I liked versus what I "should" eat?

So that's what I've been doing. I ate Pasta roni for the first time in years the past few weeks. Yes the processed box of food that is sitting on the shelves in the grocery store. You know what, it tastes good. I bought a non-lite or non-fat free salad dressing - gasp. I've enjoyed drinks with friends lately (maybe a little to much) instead of staying home because the thought of not being able to drink with them caused anxiety and stressed me out. I have at least one dessert every day...heck sometimes two or three.

But what's been great about all of this is that I'm making a concious choice to do all of this. I'm not buying this food and stuffing my face with it and going into a food coma. I know I'm not miraculously going to be over my binging in this short of a time...but it's getting better. And I now not only have hope that I'm going to conquer this thing, I know I am, and there's not a better feeling in the world.

Now I'm off to enjoy my Sunday by starting it out with a Turbokick class before heading to Grand Old Days where I am probably going to have some mini-donuts, a few beers, and a GREAT afternoon with my friends.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think this is SO fantastic Shannon!!! I LOVE that so many people are getting into the mindset that you are in right now. The only way for us to be happy AND lose weight is to do what we want instead of constantly stressing about the number of calories we are eating and how many fitness minutes we have!You go girl!!!!
    2571 days ago
    Love this blog, Shannon! I've been kind of doing the same thing where food is concerned, and the funny thing is, I haven't really had the urge to binge either, and I feel more free to make healthier choices. It's odd that having a less militant mindset can be a good thing. Sound like you're on track to have an awesome summer. :)
    2574 days ago
  • JACKIE4019
    Great Plan
    2575 days ago
    lol, you know what I think is really intersting about this? I've sort of been doing this for the past 6 months of my pregnancy. It's been sort of knowing I was supposed to gain weight, I felt free to eat foods that were off limits before... and also to realize some of that food I just don't like and can throw it out two bites into it (or as is usually the case, make my skinny husband eat it, lol), or I can fully enjoy it. Before I woudl have eaten the food and felt guilty about it and not really enjoyed it as fully. Hopefully this healthier food mentality will carry over to when I'm trying to lose weight again.
    2575 days ago
  • PHD140
    I like this strategy! When I first started losing I had the brilliant idea to actually focus on my food when I ate-- and in the process realized I didn't really like a lot of the stuff I'd stuff my face with, lol! It became my shopping philosophy as well, only buy (eat) stuff you love! It really helped me in social situations-- nothing was off limits, I just gave extra thought to what sounded the most appetizing to me, with the knowledge that I could chuck the whole cupcake if it wasn't up to par. I'd forgotten about that trick till today! Have a great Sunday!
    2575 days ago
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