I wish I could feel joy again
Friday, June 03, 2011
I do not like the way that I feel. I have such grief and sorrow, and don't even talk about anger. I understand that every thing I am feeling is normal, I get it, but I dont like this ugly feeling in me. It is not Christlike and I want it gone.
I am doing everything I know how to have peace and solace, and God takes up the slack and does for me what I just can not.
I know I will heal, been there, done that, but it is my kids...man, why in the world did he have to harm my little girls.
They have grown to be loving, successful women, and I am grateful. They are fabulous Moms to their own kids and I pray my grandkids are safe from all preditors.
I pray for the sick who harm kids. I ask God to heal what ever is so sick and broken in them that they can see a child and think of sexually interfering with them. It boggles my mind and I am horrified at how often this happens.
welcome to the real world eh!
Anyhow, you have no idea how wonderful it is to come and see your kind words. My heart hurts so badly right now, I cry a lot. I saw fathers day cards the other day and I had to go to my car. I felt sick and sad at the same time. Some one sang the old country song "Daddy's hands" at a fund raising concert in our little village. It took on gruesome meaning for me and I felt sick. I pray that anyone who has the sickness is healed of it, is repulsed by it and comes to Christ who forgives all things.
My step Mom turned on me as well. She said that I was to forgive, Jesus forgave...oh but I said, I am not Jesus, my name is Carol and my children were molested. I have to work on healing before I can ever dream of starting to forgive him.
I forgave him for hurting me, but this is different, whole new level....my kids...that is different altogether.
thanks for being out there and listen to me and help me unburden my soul. One day soon, it will turn around and I can be jolly and happy again.
Love to you all.