Summer brings new fears
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Tuesday is my 1 year anniversary on Sparkpeople and I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately and really Itwant to get it right. So I’m spending the next few days thinking of different things to put in that blog and taking notes. I leave Wednesday for vacation so I will definitely write it Tuesday. It’s a big day, it marks the day I really began to change my life. I had begun to anyway before that, but hadn’t started weighing in or calorie tracking. So it really was the beginning of everything.
Anyway, right now my main focus is toning for summer. I did get P90X and I love the strength training exercises. I prefer to run or bike for cardio, so I don’t do the cardio dvds like Kempo or Cardio X unless I didn’t get to the gym that day. But I found it extremely challenging and amazing. I see results already and I think I’ve been doing it 3 weeks. Everything feels tighter and more toned and my pants are getting loose again.
Food is always the struggle. I truthfully enjoy working out and pushing myself but food always trips me up. If I could eat under 2,000 calories a day I’d be losing 2 lbs a week. I just love food lol. I actually found out something today that makes me wonder if food truly is my addiction. I believe there are compulsive overeaters. I think I’ve definitely overcome that mostly, but I still have days where all I want to do is eat. I am definitely 100 percent better with choosing which foods to eat but quanitity is a big problem. It isn’t upsetting me as much as it did, because I am actually down a few pounds and maintaining so I am just trying to work through whatever emotional issues I find accompany the bingeing.
The warmer weather and skimpier clothing is definitely taking everything to a new level with me. My self confidence is really put to the test now. In the winter it was a lot of sweaters and pants. Now I am wearing shorts and skirts and I am finding pride in my legs. I’m a runner and it shows. My belly is still my biggest foe, but I am really trying very hard to be happy with my body. Wearing tank tops is scary but I know my arms look toned. I just have to force myself to stop looking at them and stop judging them. I am my worst judge. I put myself down all day long. So I try to look at the positive, at my toned legs and my arms. It’s a work in progress but not easy. And people don’t get WHY it’s hard. I have a friend who said “You put yourself down for attention”. Which I don’t. I truthfully see myself the way I was a year ago. I am not this size more than a year. I know it will take a long time for me to accept that this is how I look.
Anyway, look for my one year Sparkaversary blog Tuesday!